Ann Coulter bares all this December for Playboy and WILT
Los Angeles, CA (APE) – She’s been abhorred for years as the most downrated person on the internet, which means… aw heck, you know what it means. People love retching over Ann Coulter.
What it hasn’t meant, all these years, though, as all those thousands of disappointed freepers know, is seeing even one picture of this 18th-century tossup queen without anything strategically covering her.
No longer.
At 44, Coulter, who has been scintillating fans with her own brand of historic revisionism, has posed au natural for Playboy. The December issue, with her on the cover, attacks newsstands Friday. The pages of pictures on the inside leave readers scrambling for imagination.
It was for a good cause, Coulter, almost 45, explained when Associated Press Extraterrestrial caught up with her, fully loathed, at her undisclosed location.
Q: Why now?
Ann Coulter: My decision to do Playboy is literally one week in the making. I’ve always chided others for taking their clothes off and posed as the girl next door. I’m the number one right-wing talking head, and for years I’ve been known as “The Queen of Slime”, all while keeping my clothes on, and that’s taken some real discipline. Every couple of years when Hef would call I would graciously decline, because it would kill that whole androgynous legend that I’ve got going for me, and I thought that I could maintain the mystery by keeping my clothes on.
But this year, when I got the call from Hef, it was almost my 45th birthday. The Republican party had just received a humpin’, so I thought, “Wow… at 45, America doesn’t want us anymore?” And I thought it’s almost an epiphany… like a “F— ’em all!” moment. I feel empowered that you can criticize other people’s morals and yet still be single, with no children, sexy and confident, and then bare all for the world.
Q: So what’s the story on the androgynous deal?
Coulter: I feel proud of myself. I work out really hard, and people will just have to decide for themselves. The reason that I wanted to do it the most is because I am posing for a purpose: a portion of the proceeds from each issue sold is going to my charity.
Q: That would be…?
Coulter: I am the celebrity spokesperson for WILT, the national anti-erectile function association. It stands for Whitebread Ideology Less Tumescence. If you think about it, this last midterm election in which the Republican Party received such a humpin’ was all because of this vast priapism of the party over the last six years that resulted in all the scandals. My charity is devoted to wresting control of erections from the parties and putting them back in the hands of voters. Celibacy is not just for Paris Hilton anymore.