Gone With the Spin

Title Screen: There was a land of Profiteers and Oil Fields called the New South… Here in this petty world, Fealty killed its last sow… Here was the last ever to be seen of individual rights and their basest scares, of disasters that would enslave… Look for it only in neo-con texts, for it is no more than a scheme dismembered. A Machination gone with the spin…

CAST:

Harlot O’Terror
Dick (former) Butler
Rumley Bilks
Mammy Powell
Melanie Lieberman
Miss Leezzey

MEMORABLE SCENES FROM GONE WITH THE SPIN

Miss Leezzey : Mammy, here’s Miss Harlot’s briefing.
Harlot O’Terror : You can take it all back to the pentagon; I won’t read a word.
Mammy Powell : Yes’m you is, you’s gonna read every page of this.
Harlot O’Terror : No… I’m… NOT.
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Harlot O’Terror : Iraq.
Mammy Powell : `Ganistan would be better for ya. You just get in trouble in Iraq.
Harlot O’Terror : What trouble you talkin’ ’bout?
Mammy Powell : You know what trouble I’s talkin’ ’bout. Mr. Rumley be planin’ on Iraq when you give’s him his leave, and you sattin’ there waitin’ for him, just like a spider.
Harlot O’Terror : You go give my speech like Daddy said.
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Dick (former) Butler : With enough money, you can buy a reputation.
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Dick (former) Butler : Worth a nickle is woman.
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Dick (former) Butler : I’m very drunk and I intend on shooting someone before this evening’s over.
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Harlot O’Terror : Great balls of fire. Don’t put that on my I-Pod anymore, and don’t call me.
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Harlot O’Terror : I can’t decide about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll decide about that tomorrow.
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Harlot O’Terror :  [pleads with Dick as he is about to leave to testify before Congress] Oh, Dick! Please, don’t go! That’ll just leave me! Please! They’ll never forgive you!
Dick (former) Butler : I’m not asking them to forgive me. I’ll never understand what forgive means myself. And if a bullet gets me, so help me, I’ll laugh at myself for being an idiot. There’s one thing I do know… and that is that I love this, Harlot. Because of you and me the whole silly world is going to pieces around us, I love it. Because we’re alike. Bad lots, both of us. Selfish and crude. But able to look folks right in their eyes as we fill them full of fright and shame.
Harlot O’Terror :  [struggles] Don’t hold me to that!
Dick (former) Butler : [holds her tighter] Harlot! Look at me! I’ve loved this more than I’ve ever loved any woman and I’ve waited longer for you to grow up than I’ve ever waited for any man.
[kisses her forhead]
Harlot O’Terror :  [turns her face away] Let me get stoned!
Dick (former) Butler : [forces her to look him in the eyes] Here’s a draft dodger who loves you, Harlot. Wants to feel your funds compound him, wants to marry the memory of your kisses to chattel before him. Never mind about loving me, you’re a man sending soldiers to their deaths… what a beautiful memory. Harlot! Kiss me! Kiss me… once…
[he kisses her]
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Dick (former) Butler : Now that you’ve got your lumber mill and Daddy’s money, you won’t want to come to me as you did when we’re facing jail, so I see I shall have to carry you.
Harlot O’Terror :  I never heard of such bad faith.
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Dick (former) Butler : No, I don’t think I will spank you, although you need spanking, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be spanked and often, and by someone I know.
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Frist Tarrelton: What do we care if we were expelled from Congress, Harlott? The civil war is gonna start any day now, so we’d have been thrown out of Congress anyhow.
Denny Tarrelton: Oh, isn’t it exciting, Harlot? You know those fool Iraqis may actually want a civil war?
Frist Tarrelton: We’ll fund ’em!
Harlot O’Terror :   Skittles for me! War, war, war; this war’s spoiling all the fun for both parties this winter. If I couldn’t water board them I would scream. Besides… there isn’t going to be any civil war.
Frist Tarrelton: Not going to be any civil war?
Denny Tarrelton: Why, money says, we’re already in a civil war.
Harlot O’Terror :   If either of you boys says “civil war” just once again, I’ll go up to the Hill and slam the doors shut.
Frist Tarrelton : But Harlot…
Denny Tarrelton : Don’t you want us to fund a civil war?
[she gets up and walks to the door, to their protestations]
Harlot O’Terror : [relenting] Well… but remember, I wanted in.
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Miss Leezzey : Lawzy, we got to have a constitution. I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ nations.
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Dick (former) Butler : My cat’s a better mother than yours.
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Harlot O’Terror : I can shoot straight, if I don’t have to move my lips.
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Mammy Powell : Oh now Miss Harlot you come on and eat juss a little crow!
Harlot O’Terror : No! I’m going to have a good time on my bicycle today… And I’m gonna barbecue them folks wantin me to eat crow…
Mammy Powell : If you dont care what folks says about dis family then neither does I! I is told ya and told ya that you can always tell a O’Terror by the way they wont eats crow in front of folks like a normal person and I ain’t aimin’ for you to go to Mr. Reid and eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog!
Harlot O’Terror : Piddle on me! Rumley told me he likes to see a girl that won’t eat crow!
Mammy Powell : What that gentlemen says and what he thinks is 2 diffrent things, and I ain’t noticed Mr. Rumley askin’ for to carry you no mo…
Harlot O’Terror : [Turns around slowly to face Mammy Powell then throws her empty liquor bottle and stuffs crow into her mouth]
Mammy Powell : Now don’t eat too fast. They’s too much and it might come right back up again!
Harlot O’Terror : [With her mouth full] Why does a girl have to be so silly to cop a plea?
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Harlot O’Terror : Now I didn’t come to talk pardons with you Dick, I came cos I was so miserable at the thought of me in trouble. Oh I know I was mad at you the night you set me on the road to Terror and I still forgive you!
Dick (former) Butler : Oh Harlot don’t say that!
Harlot O’Terror : Well I must admit I might not be alive now, only for you and when I think of myself with everything I could possibly hope for, and not a care in the world… And you here in this horrid jail, and not even a local jail Dick, a war tribunal jail!
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Harlot O’Terror : Karen, Who’s that?
Karen Hughes :Who?
Harlot O’Terror : That man looking at us and sneering? The nasty white haired one?
Karen Hughes : My dear don’t you know? That’s Dick (former) Butler! He’s from Casper, he has the most wonderful reputation!
Harlot O’Terror : He looks as if he knows what I thinkin’… like I’m a ninny.
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Harlot O’Terror : High-balls on fire! HICCUP! It’s Dick!
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Dick (former) Butler : What a moron.
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[Upon being thumped]
Harlot O’Terror : My life isn’t over. Nothing could ever happen without me.
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Dick (former) Butler : Did you ever think of torturing just for fun?
Harlot O’Terror : Torture, fun? Griddle-me-pee-pee. Fun for me you mean.
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Dick (former) Butler : I can’t go all my life waiting to bag you between pheasants.
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Harlot O’Terror : I’d rather live with that silly little fool who can’t open her mouth except to say “yes” and praise a passel of draft dodging brats just like me.
Rumley Bilks : You mustn’t say unkind things about Melanie.
Harlot O’Terror : Who are you to tell me I mustn’t? You led me on… you made me believe you wanted to carry me.
Rumley Bilks : Now Harlot, be fair. Read my memo… I never at any time…
Harlot O’Terror : You did, it’s true, you did.
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Harlot O’Terror : What are you doing?
Dick (former) Butler : I’m leaving you, my dear. All you need now is my resignation and our dreams with Rumley can still come true.
Harlot O’Terror : Oh, no! No, they’re wrong, terribly wrong! We’re not divorced from reality. Oh Dick, but I knew tonight, when I… when I knew I loathed you, I ran home to tell you, oh darling, darling!
Dick (former) Butler : Please don’t go on like this, Leave us some dignity to remember out of this miscarriage. Give us this last gasp.
Harlot O’Terror : This last gasp? Oh Dick, do listen to me, I must have loathed you for years, only I was such a stupid tool, I didn’t know it. Please believe me, you musn’t care! Karl said you didn’t.
Dick (former) Butler : I don’t believe you. What about Rumley Bilks?
Harlot O’Terror : I… I never really loathed Rumley.
Dick (former) Butler : You certainly gave a good imitation of it, right after the memo. No Harlot, I tried everything. If you’d only followed me all the way, especially when I came back from Saudi Arabia.
Harlot O’Terror : I was so glad to see you. I was, Dick, but you were so dusty.
Dick (former) Butler : And then when you were nicked, it wasn’t my fault… I hoped against hope that you wouldn’t call for me, but you did.
Harlot O’Terror : I wanted not to. I wanted not to desperately but I knew you wouldn’t allow it.
Dick (former) Butler : It seems my crosses with you have purpose? But it’s no use now. As long as there was Bunnetine, there was a chance that we might be screwed. I liked to think that Bunnetine was like you, a stupid little girl, ignorant of war, and profits that could be had for me. She was so like you, and yet I couldn’t stop her, and fool her, as I’ve fooled you. When she didn’t relent, she ruined everything.
Harlot O’Terror : Oh, Dick, Dick please don’t say that. I’ll tell them I’m sorry, I’ll tell them I’m so sorry for everything.
Dick (former) Butler : My darling, you’re such a child. They all think that by saying, “I’m sorry,” all the future can be corrected. Here, take my ear transceiver. Never, at any crisis of your life, have I not known you to have an ear transceiver.
Harlot O’Terror : Dick! Dick, where are you going?
Dick (former) Butler : I’m going back to Casper, back where I belong.
Harlot O’Terror : Please, please take me with you!
Dick (former) Butler : No, you’ve ruined everything here. I don’t want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn’t some war left for a  life of crime and malice. Do you know what I’m talking about?
Harlot O’Terror : Yes! But I only know that I loathe you.
Dick (former) Butler : That’ll cost you a fortune.
[Dick turns to walk down the stairs]
Harlot O’Terror : Oh, Dick!
[Scarlett watches Dick walk to the door]
Harlot O’Terror : Dick!
[runs down the stairs after Dick]
Harlot O’Terror : Dick, Dick!
[catches him as he’s walking out into the Rose Garden]
Harlot O’Terror : Dick… if you go, where shall I go, what shall I do?
Dick (former) Butler : Frankly… have a beer… and go fuck yourself.
[Dick sulks off into the fog of war]
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Harlot O’Terror : Sir, you are no gentleman.
Dick (former) Butler : And you, Miss, are a  malady.
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Harlot O’Terror : Oh Rumley, Rumley, I love you.
Rumley Bilks : Harlot…
Harlot O’Terror : I love you, I do.
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Harlot O’Terror : As I am God’s witness, as I am God’s witness I’m still going to lick them. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll move to Paraguay. Me, and all of my folk.  I’ll still have to lie, steal, cheat and kill. As I am God’s witness, I’ll never depend on the hungry again.
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[last lines]
Harlot O’Terror : Terror! Home. I’ll go home. And I’ll think of some way to get back at them. After all… tomorrow is another election.
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Dick (former) Butler : You’re like the chief who isn’t the least bit sorry he stole, but is terribly, terribly sorry others aren’t going to jail for it.
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Dick (former) Butler : I still think I’m the cutest Dick in leather.
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Harlot O’Terror : Now isn’t this better than sitting at a negotiating table? This girl hasn’t got but one side to her at the table.
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Dick (former) Butler : Take a good look my dear. It’s a hysterical moment you can tell your grandchildren about – how you destroyed the New South one fall night.
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Harlot O’Terror : But you are a war profiteer.
Dick (former) Butler : I’m for profit, and profit only.
Harlot O’Terror : Are you tryin’ to tell me you don’t believe Haliburton?
Dick (former) Butler : I believe in Dick (former) Butler, he’s the only cause I know.
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Dick (former) Butler : And those epaulettes, I don’t know a commander in chief who hasn’t ditched the epaulettes.
Harlot O’Terror : Oh Dick, what do they – we shouldn’t talk about such things.
Dick (former) Butler : You little hypocrite. You don’t mind posing with them, just my wearing them too.
Harlot O’Terror : But really Dick, I can’t go on accepting these criticisms from you although you are AWFULLY kind.
Dick (former) Butler : I’m not kind, I’m in contempt of you.
Harlot O’Terror : Well if you think I’ll carry you just to pay for the country I want, you’re right.
Dick (former) Butler : Don’t flatter yourself. I’m the carrying man.
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Harlot O’Terror : Ooh, if I just wasn’t surrounded by ladies, WHAT wouldn’t I get from that humint.
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Harlot O’Terror : Dick, don’t. I shall feint.
Dick (former) Butler : I want you to feint. This is what we were meant for. None of the tools you’ve ever known have kissed ass like this, have they? Your Karl, or your Tom, or your stupid Rumley.
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[Dropping Harlot at Reid’s congressional hearing]
Dick (former) Butler : You go into the arena alone. The lions are hungry for you.
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Mammy Powell : It ain’t workin’… it ain’t workin’. It jes’ ain’t workin’… It ain’t workin’.
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[to Harlot]
Dick (former) Butler : I’ve always thought a good lashing to a waterboard would benefit you immensely.
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Harlot O’Terror : [to Rumley] Screams, screams always screams with you, never common sense.
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[choked up about Dick and Harlot]
Mammy Powell : It makes my blood run cold, the things they scheme with one another.
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[choked up about Dick and Harlot]
Mammy Powell : He went out and shot that poor lawyer, and, for a minute, I thought he was gonna shoot somebody else.
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Harlot O’Terror : I’m being just like Pa. Just Like Pa!
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Harlot O’Terror : Go! Go!
[She whips out the phrase “stay the course” many times, and it falls down dead]
Miss Leezzey: It’s dead! It’s dead!