As some of you who participate at the liberal community blog My Left Wing (MLW) may know, one of the members of that community posted a diary the other day in which he announced his intention to commit suicide. Maryscott O’Connor, the founder and administrator of MLW left that diary available for public viewing, a decision for which some have roundly criticized her. Fortunately, the individual who did indeed attempt suicide is still with us (details here), thanks in no small past to Maryscott’s decision. Here is the text of the diary I posted at MLW defending that decision:
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Maryscott O’Connor did the right thing
I’m referring of course to the suicide attempt by a member of [My Left Wing], and the diary he posted [t]here, which MSOC did not delete. Let me explain to any doubters why she did the right thing by relating a little parable.
(cont.)
Once upon a time there was a boy who was in love with his best friend’s girlfriend. He was a depressed young man, and though he was very intelligent, and quite charming when he wanted to be, he couldn’t get over the fact that the young woman he loved happened to be involved with someone other than he, and that this someone was, in fact, his best friend. His best friend and and this woman were freshman at the same college, a college that the young man did not himself attend.
The young man had always been subject to mood swings and depression, and these symptoms intensified after he graduated from High School and went away to college. He began abusing alcohol and other drugs, flunked out his first semester, and went back home to live with his parents who didn’t understand him at all. From there, he would make late night phone calls to the young woman, telling her he loved her. She felt sorry for him, and would talk with him long into the night about his depression. However, despite his best efforts, she refused to abandon her relationship with his best friend in order to begin a new romantic relationship with him.
So, one day, he decided to kill himself. He swallowed a bunch of phenobarbital pills when his parents were out for the evening, and then called up the young woman at her college dormitory to tell her what he had just done. Unsurprisingly, her boyfriend, the best friend was there with her, and when she answered the phone and heard what he had to say she immediately told her boyfriend.
The two of them decided to try to keep him on the phone to discover where he was. So she talked to him and learned that he was at his parents’ home. The boyfriend/best friend, who knew all about the young man’s depression and his desire for the young woman, then went to another phone and called his parents, who lived in the same town as the young man’s parents, about five minutes away from their house where the young man had just swallowed the barbiturates and was waiting to die. They agreed to call the police and to go straight over to the young man’s house.
Meanwhile, the young woman could no longer continue talk on the phone, because she was so upset and anxious, and didn’t want to start crying while talking to him. So she turned to phone over to her boyfriend, who kept talking to his friend, his best friend still, despite what had come between them. They talked about a lot of things, including the fact that the young man was sorry that he had tried to break up his best friend’s relationship. His speech began to slur, and what he said started to make less and less sense, but his best friend kept him talking until the best friend’s parents, the police and an ambulance all arrived on the scene. After they entered his house, he was immediately taken to the hospital for emergency treatment.
The young man survived. In fact to my knowledge he’s still alive, some 30 years later. He was angry with his two friends for a while, but he eventually forgave them.
A nice story, isn’t it? And it’s a true story. I know, because I was the best friend. My girl friend and I eventually split up, but we are still on good terms. Neither of us have had any contact with our friend who attempted suicide in the last ten years, but last I knew of him he was living in California, had married, and was gainfully employed.
Each person who attempts suicide has his or her own reasons for doing so, and also the same reason. They want the pain they are suffering to end, whether that pain is physical or psychological (or, as is often the case, a lot of both).
Depression is a serious illness, and it claims the lives of thousands of people every year. However, it is a treatable condition. Even severe depression or other mood disorders, such as bipolar disorder, need not be a death sentence for those who suffer from these afflictions. I believe that most suicidal individuals would choose life, if only they thought that their pain could be alleviated in some other fashion. But because we place such a stigma on those who suffer from “mental illness” (a misnomer that does a great disservice to what is increasingly being recognized as true physical disorders of the brain) many people refuse to seek help. They suffer in silence, and often in shame. And because of the nature of these conditions, they often become socially isolated and cut themselves off from the very people who care about them. Yet, often they will reach out to those who love them, even as they attempt to take their own lives. Why do they do that? I can’t give you an definitive answer, but I like to believe it is a last effort to connect with other human beings, a last plea for help. And if that plea is ignored?
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What Maryscott did the other day here took real courage. She opened herself up to the scorn and criticism of “some people” by leaving the diary in which the suicide attempt was announced available for public viewing. However, it was the right thing to do, because that was they only chance she had to save BeagleandTabby’s life. Just as I believe my former girl friend and I were right in what we did 30 years ago to save our friend’s life. She chose the only option available to her that might help others get medical assistance to BeagleandTabby in time to save his life. I salute her for that.
Thank you Maryscott.
