This past Monday, I spent my day off from work trying to help my son salvage a project for his science class. I explained the course of events that led to this emergency data collection here and elsewhere. The basics–Son in Ohio is almost 14, has a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, and is taking 8th grade science and math as a 7th grader. My husband, Demetrius was told on Friday that Son’s grade was in jeopardy because he didn’t have the data collected for a major project that was due this week. I put out an appeal for help, and the response was amazing. Son ended up with about 50 subjects for the study he was doing, when he was only trying for 32. Since I asked for help publicly, it seemed right to offer a public update of how the project went.
I wish I had a happy ending to report, but at the moment there isn’t one. At least not for this project, but we continue to press forward in our efforts toward positive academic outcomes for our gifted, special needs son. We don’t expect the job to be easy, or to have any magical “happily ever afters”, but after all these years, it’s kind of disappointing that we still need to butt heads like this with people who are supposed to be helping.
From a very unhappy e-mail I received from Demetrius when I was at work on Tuesday:
Apparently, after (teacher) told us on Friday that (son) might be failing science and math, we were supposed to spend our weekend consoling him to that fact instead of trying to help him. She keeps going on that (son) needs to take responsibility for his procrastinating.
Son’s grade may still be salvagable, but the bigger issue is that his teacher is still saying stuff like this. “He has to take responsibility”, he “has to learn” to do X, Y, or Z. Thank you for that headline from the esteemed research journal, Duh. Yes, of course he has to learn those things. When is someone going to start teaching him those things? Or even talking seriously with us about putting together a plan for how we are going to work together to teach him those skills?
I mean, what kind of social Darwinian attitude is it to say of an individual with any deficit, whether it be physical, cognitive, or emotional, “you’re just going to have to learn”? How about tossing a non-swimmer into the deep water, and then “helpfully” shouting “You’d better start swimming or you’ll drown!”
Shocking as it may seem, I really expect better than that from the people who are charged with providing my son with that Free Appropriate Public Education to which he is legally entitled. I’m even so bold as to expect that his teachers remember that Asperger’s Syndrome is, by definition, a pervasive developmental disability–meaning that it affects many areas of his life. It’s not just a social deficit. Yes, my son is classified as gifted, but that pervasive disability of his still has a cognitive component. He has trouble with something called “executive function”, a set of skills involving
1. Working memory and recall (holding facts in mind while manipulating information; accessing facts stored in long-term memory.)
2. Activation, arousal, and effort (getting started; paying attention; finishing work)
3. Controlling emotions (ability to tolerate frustration; thinking before acting or speaking)
4. Internalizing language (using “self-talk” to control one’s behavior and direct future actions)
5. Taking an issue apart, analyzing the pieces, reconstituting and organizing it into new ideas (complex problem solving).
And since that is a deficit our son has, it’s something he needs help with. More effective help than urging him to “get organized” or “stop procrastinating”. As far as helpfulness goes, those suggestions are right up there with “You’d better start swimming or you’ll drown!”
I guess the plus side of all this is that it’s motivated me to start looking for resources again. The article I linked about executive function is definitely worth a look.
http://www.chrisdendy.com/executive.htm
As a “twice-exceptional student (gifted and dyslexic) I was very lucky to get a stellar education, especially since no one had really recognized dyslexia yet.
I was my district’s first identified “gifted” student (California’s Mentally Gifted Minor program started with me!). I still look back at that age as one filled with well beyond average levels of anxiety and stress. Procratination, born from perfectionistic tendancies, drove me to despair and despair lead to even greater levels of avoidence.
I got a lot better with breaking this cycle once I was an adult. But then, everytime life threw me a serious curve ball, I’d find myself back at my most disfunctional. I wish it were simply a matter of “learning” to be more functional, because I’m fairly certain I KNOW how to behave. It’s just the small matter of having to wrestle what I know into place, over and over and over again.
Thank you for sharing this info.
The “how” of learning (and organizing) is so often hidden inside the head of the “expert.” To further complicate things, the “how” is unique to each – what works for one may not work as well for another.
I had a partner with Asperger’s syndrome in a physical activity. I explained to him that I needed to talk out loud, talking myself through the moves, so I could learn and remember what we were doing. After a number of repetitions, I felt I could talk to myself in my head, so I got quiet. He asked me to “keep talking.” I guess he found it helpful too. š
What a gift to your son to help him figure out how he can structure things to learn and do and to gain the confidence to ask for what he needs!
What I hope you and he can most appreciate is that there are a whole lot of other students without any identifiable syndromes or disabilities who would also benefit from the teacher making adjustments – much like someone who has difficulty seeing something who requests that something be written larger – and a few others who didn’t even know they were straining, say, “Oh, that’s much better.”
If there are colleges near you with education departments, they might have some programs your son could participate in during the summer. Many teachers take their advanced degree courses or certification credits in summer programs.
The very best to you all š
Sympathy and warm thoughts, Renee. That teacher is on “responsibility” overload. There is a time for understanding and compassion, and you can tell her I said so…from one teacher to another. Our schools here have gotten so big on being responsible that kids are supposed to be that way even for things beyond their control.
I had to deal with a lot of special ed teachers and counselors. They tried to talk down to me in conferences. I held my ground, and I told the principal and staffing person I would walk out if I were not treated with respect. I told them I knew the child far better than they did and cared far more.
After that they treated me more respectfully. Did I say staffing and counselors tend to be snobs not only to parents but to teachers as well?
Thanks for sharing this–and I did read it at HEP as well, but ended up not having time to comment before leaving for work.
I explained a bit more in the comments here
http://www.streetprophets.com/story/2007/5/31/20409/0304
in response to some questions.