[Crossposted from my Real History blog.]
I have a number of interesting correspondents, and one of them sent me something that was both so salient and so funny that I begged permission to share. Why should the study of history be boring, when you can read something like this? Enjoy, from my anonymous but very informed friend!
Before we begin, allow me to set the stage. A few weeks ago, I received a link to this article in the mail, containing this salacious, if ridiculous, passage:
As the plump sausages were beginning to brown, there was a knock on the door. Chicago Mob Boss SAM GIANCANA showed no fear as he turned back thedouble locks on the heavy steel door of his fortress like home that protected him from the outside world. Sam looked his old friend JOHNNY ROSSELLI in the eye and invited him in. The men kissed on the cheek, exchanged pleasantries and shared a laugh.
Then “Mooney”, as Johnny affectionately called Sam, heard the sausages sizzling in their pan and ran back to the stove to keep them from burning. While he was rolling them over, Johnny quietly crept up behind him and placed the muzzle of a .22 caliber handgun equipped with a silencer at the base of his skull and said “Sam, this is for Marilyn”.
Sam hesitated a moment as he tended to the sausages. A split second passed. In that moment, an image of MARILYN MONROE, the quintessential Hollywood Goddess, platinum blond bombshell, orphaned child, cheesecake pin up girl, fantasy lover to thousands of men, supposed tragic suicide victim and lover of PRESIDENT JOHN F KENNEDY and his brother BOBBY, filled Sam’s head.
Then Johnny pulled the trigger.
Knowing this to be a ridiculous but very amusing lie, I sent this to a friend who has his own theory on why a half-eaten sausage was found at the site of Giancana’s murder. I knew he’d laugh at this ludicrous scenario, but his response was too fun not to share:
Lisa:
Jesus-fucking-Christ.
Will the fantasy “know-it-all” accounts of these try-hard hanger-on Z-list losers never end?
If memory serves — and let’s face it, with me, it usually fails — Jeanne Carmen starred in a couple of extremely hardcore stag films from the late-1960s (after her “best friend” Marilyn had well and truly passed away) that I had the pleasure, as a young teenager, of being given on VHS as my introduction to pornography (or one of my introductions, at least.)
Ms. Carmen was obviously down on her luck (and down on her knees, in Reel 2) in the company of three or five (details, details) rather well-endowed (let’s not drag me into this) cowboy-types; a rather well-co-ordinated situation for all involved that resulted in… drumroll… well, Lisa, I’m sure you can guess the rest.
I mention this only because 2 years later, at the tender age of 14 (when I had graduated to hardcore German and Asian porn), I watched a documentary on TV regarding the death of Ms. Carmen’s “best friend,” Ms. Monroe. (And obviously tuned-in with great interest, as I recognized Ms. Carmen from her previous efforts, and was hoping for an encore.)
Anyway, in that doco, Jeanne talked about how lonely Marilyn was, and that Marilyn — in her humble opinion (as Marilyn’s “best friend”) — COMMITTED SUICIDE.
Now, call me crazy (and you have, in the past)… and call me horny (I have referenced my love for porn probably eight times too many, so who can blame ‘ya?), but if Marilyn Monroe was — according to Jeanne Carmen in that original documentary — just a sad, lonely and depressed fading movie star who killed herself with an overdose of sleeping pills…
… why the fuck is she NOW claiming that “Handsome Johnny” whacked “Momo” in a dispute over a messy love triangle??? (Marilyn was just a lonely girl, with no one who loved her, after all.)
That all said…
There really is no point to this e-mail, or any of the points that I made above, other than to let you know that I do emerge from hibernation (from time to time) when matters of trivia are at stake, and I address those matters of trivia with trivial messages such as this.
Just flexing my idiot muscle, as it were — much the same as you did when you sent me your ridiculous message about Jeanne Carmen to begin with. Damn you, Pease! Why must you vex me?!
If you’d like to know the REAL story about Marilyn Monroe, and how her death appears truly to have been, despite all disinformation to the contrary, an accidental overdose, please see Jim DiEugenio’s excellent article “The Posthumous Assassination of John F. Kennedy” in our book The Assassinations. (You can preview part 1 and part 2 here, but the full text is only in the offline book.) Jim has done a great job debunking the more outrageous claims relating to the Kennedys and Marilyn Monroe, Judith Exner, and Mary Meyer. The Meyer crap has been recycled of late, so be sure to read Jim’s new article shooting down many of the pieces of that ever-growing myth, and exposing those who contribute to its growth, on the CTKA site.
Trying to reclaim history from the likes of Gerald Posner, Vince Bugliosi, David Heymann, Gregory Douglas and others is tiring work. But letters like the above show remind me that it’s not boring. 😉 Who knew porn could teach so much about history? There, don’t you feel better now?