When President Bush asked me to take a walk through the streets of Baghdad to show how well the ‘surge’ was working I jumped at the chance.I didn’t know much about Iraq, why we were there and who the Sunny and the Shites were.I just knew that I had to make sure I could walk the streets of Baghdad without looking scared.My friend Hillary did that but then Hillary is the one who scares everbody.
After our plane landed at the Baghdad airport, I had to duck and run for cover quickly to avoid getting hit by sniper fire.That was my first indication that something was awfully wrong in Iraq.I was determined to find out what it was.So, I put on my kevlar vest and headed in the APC to General Petraeus hideout.
General Petraeus is a great American.He explained to me what the surge was doing.From what I gathered the ‘surge ‘was just putting more troops on the ground so American officials who visited Baghdad for their show tours would be able to walk at least two blocks from the Green Zone without armed escorts numbering one whole brigade.That made a lot of sense to me because I was about to take such a walk myself.The second thing the General,who is a great American, told me was that there are two kinds of Iraqis: the Sunnys and the Shites.The Sunnys are our allies and the Shites are mad at us and they are the troublemakers.That is only for this week.Next week it will be the other way around.
That was so clear to me,I asked the General, who is a Great American, how come no one has explained this to me before?The General, who is a man of few words but a great American nonetheless, shrugged his shoulders and said I did not know this myself until I spent many months inside the Green Zone in my bomb proof bunker.My Iraqi interpreters explained everything to me.Next day, they went out of the Green Zone and blew themselves up suicide bomber style and killed dozens of people who work for me.
After this excellent introduction to Iraq,it was my turn to ask the General:”General, with due respect, I cannot tell the difference between a Sunny and a Shite, how do you manage to do it?They all look alike to me”.The General had a knowing smile, he leaned over and whispered “promise me John that you will keep it secret.I don’t know a Sunny from Shite.But I can fake it better than anyone back home.That makes me an expert,don’t you think?”
Now the entire Iraq war began to make sense to me.I am going to go back home and tell the people we are winning the war.As my friend Hillary says, perceptions are the only things that count.
