Bye Bye Barry (satire)

The final results are in on this historic November day.  Despite the hundreds of millions of dollars he raised, Barack Obama has lost the 2008 presidential election.  American voters have boldly spoken truth to arrogance.  Turned out that all those pre-election opinion polls that showed Obama’s inability to get over 50 percent support were prescient.  Much of the public was never comfortable with Obama, though he clearly was so comfortable acting like he already was president.
Hillary and Bill Clinton are probably drinking champagne and having the sweetest time since Bill won his first presidential election.  Hillary must now bite her lip repeatedly and resist saying publicly that “I told you so!”  Hillary in 2012 will reveal that she learned her lessons well.

All that Obama audacity of arrogance from the smiling, glib politician finally died the death it so richly deserved.  Too many pundits will blame his loss on his blackness and racist voters.  But the larger truth is that sufficient voters saw through the many lies and deceptions.  Obama always had a hard time giving a simple, short straight answer to tough questions.  He was always mentally calculating exactly how to game his answers so that he would achieve all the benefits he had his eyes on.  He was simply too damn presumptuous and too smart for his own good.  In the end, Americans do not want the smartest person in the presidency or endless nuancing.  They want someone they can easily understand and trust, despite their skepticism.  There were many reasons not to trust the calculating Obama to do anything he promised to do or, for some people, to fear he might.

And now the bloviating pundits will also blame third party presidential candidates for siphoning votes from Obama, as if Americans have no right to exercise their political freedom and vote for someone they honestly think has the best policy positions and would most help restore American democracy.

Jon Stewart and other late-night comics will feast on these election results, as they should.  I can’t wait to hear jokes about Obama’s wife becoming a more vocal and militant critic of the good old USA, now that she has proof positive that so many Americans are stupid white racists.

Of course, now the nation must suffer through the ineptness, confusion and dementia-like dullness of the living-in-the-past John McCain, tough-talking but brain dead.  Will the McCain presidency look like an extension of the incredible terrible George W. Bush White House?  Of course.

Still living off a once-true characterization as a maverick, McCain must now surround himself with people who actually are smart and knowledgeable about myriad issues.  Should be no problem finding enough lobbyists.  Pundits will start speculating that McCain will be lucky just to stay alive for four years, but thankfully his vice-president seems more capable.  One thing for sure: the power plutocracy that really runs the country will have little trouble pulling the strings behind the scenes and keep the puppet McCain dancing to tunes written by corporate interests.

Ralph Nader summed up this way: “A large fraction of Americans know that we need a Jeffersonian political revolution to fix our corrupt system.  They were not fooled by the Obama rhetoric about change, not from someone that has been a product of and servant for the two-party plutocracy.  Yes, all the votes for me and the other third-party presidential candidates spelled the difference between Obama winning and losing.  Our voters correctly protested against the corrupt two-party system.  They did not elect McCain.  Only those who voted for McCain elected him, and that is something they must live with as they watch a McCain administration continue dismantling American democracy and budget-busting global warmongering.”

Cynthia McKinney wisely noted that “It is time to stop saying God bless America, and begin repeating God save America.  The good news is that we will build even greater public support for a true political revolution during the McCain presidency.  All too often things must get much worse before they can get better.  They will get worse.”

As to Obama, half-jokingly he said: “I may come back as a third-party candidate.”  Or did that reflect a calculation that Democrats had learned their lesson?  As to all the screaming from the left that the Republicans stole this election also, Obama immediately said “John won it fair and square.”  Thanks Barry, exactly what I expected from a phony change agent.

[Contact Joel S. Hirschhorn through www.delusionaldemocracy.com.]

Author: statusquobuster

Now a full time writer, Joel S. Hirschhorn was previously a senior staffer for the U.S. Congress and the National Governors Association; his latest book is Delusional Democracy - Fixing the Republic Without Overthrowing the Government.