NEVER FEAR!!!
MIGHTY MOUSE WILL SAVE THE DAY!!!
So way back on Sept. 30th I wrote a piece debunking the whole “Economic Collapse” thing as just another blown up lightweight that the cosmic fight promoters were touting as the next “Let’s keep the peons scared” routine.
ECONOMIC COLLAPSE!!! HOTTEST THING EVER!!! (v. MMDCLXXIV++++)
Headlines today? (10/14/08, 8:25 AM EDT) A scant two weeks after we were all headed over the cliff of Hottest Thing Everville?
Hmmmm….
MIRABILE DICTU!!!
Wonderful to relate!!!
Somehow…it all worked out in the end.
PHEW!!!
I was SO WORRIED!!! (Not.)
The fix is always in, folks.
As my wise old grandfather (the real Arthur Gilroy) always used to say “Relax, kiddo. Everything gets better except the last thing, and if it’s the last thing your worries are over. Siddown. Take a load off. Have a drink, kid. Take a load off.”
Yup.
Read on for more.
LOTS more.
So now Obama is safely elected…what, you think not? Pfffffttttt.
Obama has been safely (s)elected due to that terrible economic crisis that magically melted away as soon as his numbers rose over 50%, and we can now all happily proceed towards the next necessary crisis.
Necessary in order to keep the proles in line, of course.
What’ll it be next time?
Oh…my guess? (After the national exhilaration of the coming to power of a new generation that is an absolutely perfect physical representation of the coming demographic of Rainbow America? Sorry, folks. I just cannot believe in coincidence as the mainline moving force in this universe. Either God has been studying with Charles Dickens regarding plotlines and character names or someone is pulling some HEAVY cosmic string theory on us all. The doddering McPalin and his nasty-faced surrogate trophy wife Sarah “I can see Russia from here!!!” McPain versus the baraka of Barack Hussein Obama…a name for the New Age if ever I have heard one…and a VP candidate who has been honorably Biden his time in the Senate for lo these many years? Please. The publicity pimps at the WWF couldn’t fix a fight more palinly. Errrr…plainly.)
The next crisis?
My guess?
Probably Pakistan.
Most certainly something.
Yawn.
I can see the headlines now.
HOTTEST THING EVER!!!
EVIL ISLAMIC DRUGLORD TALIBAN AL QUEDAS TAKE OVER NUCLEAR POWER PAKISTAN
And the reaction.
OH!!! I am SO FRIGHTENED Harry!!!
Just when everything seemed so…good!!!
And of course…the solution!
Read on for a reprint of that Sept. 30th article that sunk like a kidney stone in the body politic of Leftinessville.
And…never fear.
Mighty Mouse IS on the way.
Bet on it.
ECONOMIC COLLAPSE!!! HOTTEST THING EVER!!! (v. MMDCLXXIV++++)
What if they threw an economic collapse and nobody came?Every few years it’s another “Hottest Thing Ever!!!”
Fitzmasses all.
Reverse Fitzmasses.
It ALL tends towards the mean.
Naaaaahhhhh…not that kind of mean.
The middle mean, not the extremely mean.
Read on for more.
Going backwards in time…
Katrina-Hottest thing ever!!!” The country will fall apart under the pressure!!!
The Iraq Invasion-Hottest thing ever!!!” NOW we’ll make the world safe for economic imperialism. I mean… for democracy!!! Yeah. THAT’S it!!! For democracy!!!
9/11-“Hottest thing ever!!!” The country will fall apart under the pressure!!!
The 2000 + 2004 elections-“Hottest thing ever!!!” The country will fall apart under the pressure!!!
Bill Clinton’s impeachment/dick control problems-“Hottest thing ever!!!” Sitting president goes down!!! Or…someone goes down on a sitting…errrr, standing…president!! How can the nation survive this worst thing ever!!!
“Reagan is senile!!!” “Hottest thing ever!!!” When was he not senile? Ever seen any of his early pictures? The worst actor ever. Bar none.
“Reagan’s been shot!!!” “Hottest thing ever!!!” The country will fall apart under the pressure!!!
No it won’t. I am in control!!
Just like I was before the old fool went and got hisself shot.
Nixon’s a liar and a thief!!!
Vietnam is falling!!!
JFK’s been shot!!!
The Bay of Pigs!!!
The Cuban Missile Crisis!!!
Etc. etc., etc. on back to infinity.
Watch out!!! Here comes Genghis Khan!!! “Hottest thing ever!!!”
ALL “The hottest thing ever!!!”
And all bullshit.
Everything gets better but the last thing, folks.
And this ain’t the last thing.
Bet on it.
The last last thing?
That will be the hottest thing ever.
You kin bet yore ass on that, as well.
Bet on it.
All the rest?
Just more bullshit and hustle.
The answer?
NEWSTRIKE!!!
What if they threw a financial panic and no one came?
Yup.
Later…gotta go tend to the same knittin’ I wuz tending to before this latest hot spell. I smell some cool air a’comin’ in about 18 months. Bet on that too while you’re at it.
One day it’s a Depression, the next it’s a great big, profitable World War II.
Hmmmm…..
Sometimes it rains; sometimes it shines.
Hmmmm…..
Have fun…
And…panic not.
Later…
AG
