Already feeling the ill effects of that Obama economic collapse? Lost your job? Lost your health care? Lost your home? Never fear. Conservative heroes are here to save the day! They have the right stuff, my friends, to put this economy back in the black (uh, from a balance sheet perspective, that is).
What’s their solution? It’s so simple I don’t know why you haven’t thought of it already. Cut taxes. Especially cut taxes on capital gains, cut taxes on rich dead people, and cut taxes on corporations. Do these things and the invisible hand of FREE ENTERPRISE (not to be confused with the Starship Enterprise) will save the day.
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Now that the Bush administration has devolved into a sad, spent shell, Obama would be wise to embrace and promote these and similar incentives for Americans to work, save, invest, and produce:
# Turbo-charge innovation by letting anyone granted a new patent enjoy the revenues it generates for, say, five years tax-free. Watch inventors from Google to garages across America trip over themselves to create new products while Uncle Sam leaves them unmolested for half a decade.
# Offer “Emerald Cards” to Earth’s 6.7 million non-North American millionaires. Without closing the Golden Door to those less fortunate, these high-end Green Cards would go instantly to any successful, law-abiding immigrant who could deposit $1 million in a U.S. bank, open a business and hire at least five employees. One million such millionaires would pump $1 trillion into America’s economy and create 5 million jobs. […]
# Use the Free Market, not the still-smoldering Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, to recapitalize banks and foster home ownership. Let Americans save up to $10,000 tax-free each year for eventual home purchases. Renters also should be allowed to save for security deposits and initial year’s rent. While politicians scorn us, the 32 percent of Americans who rent are people too — as the IRS warmly reminds us every April 15.
# Make depreciation tables optional. Businesses should be free to write off capital purchases as quickly as they — not the feds — deem economical. […]
# “How about a five-year emergency suspension of all capital-gains taxes?” suggests Club for Growth president Pat Toomey. “No one has any capital gains! What could the fed’s cap-gains haul possibly be this year — maybe $1.50? There is nothing to lose and much to gain if it would stimulate investment and maybe even help the market establish a bottom.”
Great ideas all of them, especially that last one. Who doesn’t have capital gains they’ve been putting off taking because of that excessively high 15 percent (or maybe less?) tax rate? On the other hand, it might be tough to get those liberal fascists in the coming Obama administration and the Democrat Congress to protect the freedom of investors and corporations to avoid taxes. Let’s face it, they just don’t believe in the tried and true methods of our greatest American president, Ronald Reagan, whose tax reforms and “supply side” economics led to a brief shining moment of free market capitalism triumphant. From the tearing down of all those Berlin Walls with Adam Smith’s bare hands, to allowing Savings and Loans to lend money to golf course developers (because you can never have enough golf courses with overpriced patio homes lining the fairways), to getting rid of those pesky unions, to making it easier for Communist China to sell us their poisoned pet food and lead laced toys, Reaganomics made the world safe for democracy.
At least until Bill Clinton and his Arkansas mafia showed up to trash our country, enable Islamic terrorists and lie about his man juice stains on that woman’s blue dress and his improper use of cigars, thus throwing the country into a Constitutional and moral crisis from which it still hasn’t recovered. Sure, he created a budget surplus by raising taxes, but his bad example set the stage for the ruination of our moral fiber. George W. Bush did his damnedest to revitalize the economy with his own tax relief program, but unfortunately even he was unable to escape the insidious ability of those people who refused to accept him as the legitimate Leader of the Free World to destroy his Presidency with their sneers, snide remarks and bad attitudes.
Let’s face it, there just weren’t enough bipartisan American Patriots like Joe Lieberman who were willing to kiss Bush’s beloved cheeks. Throw in ACORN and all those other sinister community organizers, the Democrat laws that forced banks to make bad mortgage loans to undeserving poor people, and Dubya never had a chance. Especially when those same Democrats kept him from reforming Social Security by turning its billions of FICA taxes over to the management of all the honest and trustworthy Wall Street Investment firms and brokerage houses. That action alone probably doomed Wall Street firms to insolvency and collapse despite their best efforts to keep the American Dream of home ownership alive with their marvelous securitized mortgage backed derivatives. If only we could have eliminated capital gains back in 2001, or imposed a flat income tax, we might have saved our economy and prevented all this misery.
Of course, now it looks like the Democrats, after their electoral coup d’état, seem hell bent on bringing back the evils of FDR’s socialism which ruined our nation’s economy for two generations and turned so many Americans into lazy welfare queens who feel entitled to government handouts. But don’t abandon all hope yet, my fellow patriots. There may still be a way to avoid the worst excesses of Obama’s radical Keynesian economic agenda. For starters, you can get behind this bold fresh vision of compassionate conservatism which has been proposed by Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert who still thinks we can avoid the coming Obama Bailout Nation:
Imagine if instead of those billions being squandered through failed bailouts, Americans could keep their own hard earned tax money to use as they need. It’s too late to stop government from spending the first $350 billion, but it’s not too late to take the other half of the original $700 billion and give it to the American taxpayer to do with it what he or she chooses. [….]
After I discussed the matter with several colleagues, the idea of returning an entire year of income tax was not catching enough groundswell. The idea of ending the ability of Secretary Paulson to squander his last $350 billion on firms run by his former Wall Street cronies, however, was catching plenty. Pair that with at least two months of each taxpayer keeping his or her own tax dollars, and you have a great start to making people feel in control over and optimistic about their finances.
Newt Gingrich is one of the most amazing conservative idea people in the country. His and Jed Babbin’s suggestions and encouragement led to my current proposal of instating a two-month tax holiday during January and February 2009.
That’s right. The answer to our prayers and the hope of a nation spiraling into economic disaster rests on giving all Americans a 2 month income tax holiday. Sure, it would cut revenues which fund essential government departments like Homeland Security, FEMA, the FDA, and the US Military, but that’s a small price to pay for giving Americans that little extra cash in January and February, 2009 to use as they see fit. And yes, it won’t help the many people who are unemployed and thus have no income, but if they’d just get off their lazy butts and look for a job, any job, instead of spending all day playing video games and smoking illegal substances, no doubt they’d have some income which could not be taxed for two months, which they could then spend on whatever they wanted, including more video games.
More importantly it would return to all Americans that sense of hope and control over their own financial destiny which is so essential to putting a stop to this panic mentality. Sure it’s a baby step. Sure Paul Krugman and those dirty [expletive deleted] hippies in the Democrat Party and among the liberal elites will oppose it. Sure some people will question why tax cuts will work now when they didn’t work before to stave off the worst financial catastrophe since the Great Depression. But, all I can say to you is that even Bush’s tax cuts didn’t go far enough. Not until we eliminate all taxes on everything and everyone forever will America be truly free. Only then can the American people truly be free to pursue their happiness as the Founding Fathers intended.
Yes, some will mock me and my conservative friends as naive Pollyannas who don’t live in a reality based world. But like our soon to be former President, I believe you make your own reality. And in my conservative alternate reality eliminating taxes will finally lead to that Great City on a Hill which our patron saint, Ronald Reagan envisioned, a reality where every American can be as rich and happy as she can possibly imagine. Provided they are willing to put in the hard work needed to achieve their financial goals, naturally. And also go to church every Sunday, and pray lots and lots to Jesus to make them prosperous (never hurts to suck up to Our Lord and Savior, you know).
And if that doesn’t work, China will always lend us the money to keep buying their stuff, right?
