And no, I’m not talking about Chinese re-education camps during the cultural revolution or America’s re-education camps in Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib and dozens of secret facilities around the globe. The Chinese and American models are not about education, but coercion. If you disagree with the party line, you get the shit beat out of you until you recant. It’s called re-education.
But that’s not what I advocate for Republicans, even though most of them could stand a good “What were you thinking?!!!” kick in the ass.
See, lots of studies verify the notion the more education you have the more liberal you are; the more tolerant, understanding and cool you are. Republicans aren’t clueless because they are stupid, but because they are ignorant. Republicans remain largely uneducated, and therefore rigidly stuck in a 1950s black & white TV rerun loop of Father Knows Best starring the erstwhile Dr. Marcus Welby.
Republicans believe in the idea of the ‘great leader’ because following the leader is much easier than thinking for oneself. Republicans believe in authority, while Democrats worth their salt (alas most Democrats embrace a salt-free diet these days) question authority.
It’s the difference between “obey” and “distrust”. Republicans defend authority at every turn while Democrats worth their name (and there are a lot of DINOs these days) subvert authority.
Republicans believe in unlimited freedom inside a very small box while Democrats believe in personal responsibility on an open prairie.
Republicans believe Law is meant to restrict behavior, construct the walls of the box, and Democrats believe Law is to protect the weak from the predations of human Godzillas and to prohibit the strong from building fences around the weak and calling it home.
In short, Republicans are decidedly un-American and need re-education as regards both the human condition and the American project.
The fundamental core principle of Republicans is: Government is the enemy.
It is not clear why Republicans hate the concept of government so. One can only speculate back in Republican history, its forefathers, Jack the Ripper, Robber Barons and Monopolists were somehow thwarted in their addiction to egregious greed by some arm of the government. And ever since then government has been seen as a major impediment to arrogant entitlement.
But because Republicans are so selfish – and it no secret major universities unwinding the Republican genome are astonished at the magnitude of corrupted DNA strands – they have not understood the FIRST PRINCIPLE of the American Project: We are the Government.
Republican antipathy toward government is actually resentment toward their fellow human beings. The People trump the Individual in the American Project: The common good; the common wealth; common defense. We are called a Union.
But because Republicans are widely known to have an acute pathological fear of intimacy, the idea of “union” is the same thing as Communism which is the same thing as sharing and we all know what Republicans think about sharing.
The Republican mantra is: “Get your own fucking toys, these are mine!”
Now, because Republicans tend to be so clueless and ignorant of the consequences of their thoughts and actions which tend to be destructive and cruel, not to mention, Un-American, it’s easy to hate them. But remember what Jesus said, “Love Your Enemy.”
So, instead of following our instinct which would be to put Republicans in zoos, museums, kennels and pounds – to teach our children what happens when men and women of the Republican faith are allowed to attain power; bankruptcy, hunger, poverty, class war and a steep decline in the national sense of humor – but instead we’ve got to try and rehabilitate Republicans to at least the outer boundaries of what it means to be human. Republicans will never be like us – good, decent and sexy – but deep down Republicans are people too. Some of them.
So, let us resolve not to punish Republicans for the hell-on-earth they manage to achieve each and every time they steal an election. Let us not seek vengeance on the men and women, unable to find love, respect and admiration from normal people, but only begrudged jealousy from their own kind as they measure the breadth and width of their callousness and cynicism. Let’s not do unto Republicans as they do unto you. Let’s not beat, starve, rape, belittle and scorn them. Let’s not kill them in the name of freedom. Let’s not practice the Republican Golden Rule: Fuck others before thy fuck you.
Simply, let’s educate them. Let’s teach Republicans how far off course they hi-jacked the nation. When 80% of the people say the country is heading in the wrong direction, it’s because we’re heading in the direction Republicans have championed. Republican policies have proved the opposite of solution. They have exacerbated our problems. From the environment, to the economy to issues of war and peace, Republicans have proved Freud and Marx right and Friedman and Strauss wrong.
How can government be the enemy if we are the government?
People are only the enemy of government if the government has been taken away from the people. Only when government does not respond to the will of the people do the people aver for a change of government.
It is not a dangerous world. The world has been made dangerous by the criminal and anti-human policies of Republicans as they wage genocide to make the world safe for “democracy.”
And remember, “democracy” to a Republican doesn’t mean the same thing as to a real American. To a Republican “democracy” means the right of bullies to fuck you up for fun and profit. To a Republican, Oligarchy is as close as they ever want to come to democracy. Democracy is a word used by Republicans to pull the wool over our eyes. It’s a mask over a gorgon heart. It’s the smile of a grifter. It’s the soothing balm of a hypnotist’s voice.
Republicans don’t spread democracy, they spread fear and panic. The world is dangerous because it is hip to Republican shenanigans.
Republicans believe in original sin. But they also believe they are god to judge and punish the sins of others without so much as peak in the rear-view mirror of the beam in their own eye. Republicans believe in patriarchy. Father Knows Best. Without ever a twinge of conscience about how patriarchy created a desolation and called it Western Civilization.
So, here is the lesson plan for Republican re-education:
- Government is not bad because people are not bad.
- People don’t hate us because we are good, decent, law-abiding folks who loves us some freedom, privacy and a tiny bit of disposable income: they hate us because the United States, despite the admonitions of the founders, have established an oppressive, imperialist, global foot-print which makes a Colossus look like the mayor of Munchkin Land.
- Father does not know best just because he is father and if you look at the facts the misogynist, chauvinist, patriarchy of Western Civilization has ballooned this world into a dysfunctional family which makes the Manson family look like the Cowsills.
- Hippies are cool.
How simple could it be? It’s not like we’re trying to teach Republicans quantum Euclidean geometry. Or how to pick a nice cantaloupe. These things are basic American Principles: People power; integrity, honesty, truth, equality and loving tolerance.
These are the things to lift us up the evolutionary ladder. Republicanism only leads to barbarism, secrecy and loathing. Americanism and Republicanism are not two sides of the same coin.
Americanism is the coin. Republicanism is the circus side-show barker trying to separate you from your money.
