Yes, it’s true. Joe Miller, Alaska’s GOP nominee for the Senate after a surprising, some would say miraculous victory over Lisa Murkowski in the Republican primary, has revealed that the Supreme Being is indeed raising money for Miller’s campaign. While rumors have circulated in the past that God was a Republican, this is the first time a major Republican candidate has admitted that the Big Kahuna himself has taken a more active role in American politics than merely giving his moral support to Republican candidates. From Miller’s letter to his supporters dated August 29th:
We don’t want to loose the momentumn [sic] of this great campaign!! We are going to get Joe Miller elected, it’s just that for reasons we don’t understand God wants us to have a waiting spell. 🙂 We need to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves, and keep the campaign uplifted in constant prayer.
In order for Joe to keep campaigning he needs funds. So far the Lord has always provided the money in this grass roots campaign, and this time God is going to use you to provide!
When reached for comment, God declined to answer any questions regarding the amounts of money he may or may not have provided to Miller, or whether any other Republican candidates have received God’s financial backing. Like Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona who recently refused all comments to reporters regarding her remarks about be-headings in the Arizona desert, God has simply refused to answer any questions regarding his fund-raising efforts for the GOP.
Meanwhile, in a related story President Obama’s press secretary Robert Gibbs felt compelled to announce that the President maintains good relations with “The Lord” (as he is known to his friends) and is not an adherent to the heresy known as “Liberation Theology” despite allegations to the contrary by Fox news Host Glenn Beck:
The White House has been forced to state that President Barack Obama is a ‘committed, mainstream Christian’ after claims to the contrary by Fox News Channel host Glenn Beck.
Mr Beck recently said that Mr Obama practiced a version of Christianity that was not recognised by most people, adding the president’s ‘liberation theology’ was all about ‘oppressors’ and ‘victims’.
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs was asked about Mr Beck’s assertions at a press briefing today. Mr Gibbs said: ‘I can only imagine where Mr Beck conjured that from.’
It was not known as of the date of this report whether Mr. Gibbs had cleared his remarks with God, or if this was merely a shameless attempt to curry favor with the Almighty. However, as of today, neither the President nor his spokespeople have commented on whether he or members of the Democratic party have received fund-raising assistance, directly or indirectly, from any member of the Trinity. In the past, Obama’s speeches have been peppered with references to an awesome God, but Republicans have often been quick to accuse him of being a secret follower of Allah, The Lord’s principal rival. Indeed, a recent poll by Newsweek confirmed that among Republicans …
… 52 per cent said Barack Obama sided with fanatical Muslims who wanted to impose Sharia law around the world.
In addition, 59 per cent also said that Mr Obama favoured the interests of Muslims over other groups of Americans.
While Joe Miller has yet to call out the President as a Muslim or a Muslim sympathizer, he has freely attacked the President as a “Socialist” which is a well recognized political code word among conservatives that Obama is anti-Christian, since all God is a free market capitalist in their view.
So what of God? Is he a capitalist? Is he a communist? Is he a God who would have people controlled like in Albania, or is he a God who favors risk and reward as in the United States?
The God I find in the Bible is a risk taker. He set Adam and Eve in the garden and gave them the right to choose — allowing them to live with the consequences of their poor choices. Abraham, by contrast, chose faith and was rewarded for his risky obedience.
God finally risked all by allowing us to accept or decline his sacrifice on the cross.
God has made a significant investment in us, and he expects a return. But he gives us freedom and rewards as the risk taker. That is the essence of a true capitalist.
If such is the case, maybe God has made an investment in Joe Miller. Or maybe Joe Miller is a con artist trying to get gullible religious conservatives to contribute money to his campaign by claiming God is his primary “money man.” As an infamous “News Organization” that shall not be named often says: “We report – You decide.”
