Progress Pond

A Fundamentalist Restoration Bus Tour

It’s not clear to me how driving a bus across the country can contribute to the fundamental restoration of America. The language is a bit odd. I suppose the Tea Party is a form of Political Fundamentalism, in the sense that it appeals to the inerrant original intent of the slave-owning Founding Fathers and their three-fifths of a person solution to the Negro problem. But ‘restoration’ resonates with a different religious undertone. It’s as if the Holy Church of America has been corrupted, spawned a Reformation, and now must be restored. I suppose you could look at the Civil Rights Era as the Reformation. Sarah’s bringing the Restoration. We won’t go back to the old ways entirely, but something’s gotta be done about this.

As Jesus General so aptly observes:

At first, I couldn’t figure out why Sister Sarah is so angry about Bristol’s new boyfriend, Kyle Massey. I mean, hey, he ain’t Levi, and Bristol needs a good man to practice abstinence with anyway. You’d think that’d be enough.

But then I saw the suitor’s photo and immediately understood Mrs. Palin’s rage. It’s all there in Mr. Massy’s eyes: the anti-colonialism, the Muslimishness, the crypto-Kenyanicity, the secret socialism, and a latent proclivity to produce birth certificates that can’t pass the Taitz test.

It’s no wonder Sister Sarah is so pissed off. This man is going to steal her daughter’s innocence by teaching sweet Bristol how to fist bump.

I wish Kyle and Bristol every happiness. She sure knows how to get her mom’s goat.

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