Progress Pond

Why Our Politics Are So Stressful

You want to know why American politics are so exhausting? Because everything is always a goddamn crisis with the Republicans. They win back the House in 1994, and the government shuts down in 1995. They lose the presidential election in 1996, and they try to overturn the election by impeaching the president over some seriously low crimes and misdemeanors in 1998. They lose the popular vote and (most likely) the Electoral College in the 2000 presidential election, and they have their majority on the Supreme Court shut down the Florida recount and hand the White House to two of the most incompetent and immoral individuals the country has ever seen wield power. We get attacked on Sept. 11, 2001, and all of a sudden we’re invading countries that had nothing to do with the attacks while we’re being advised to wrap ourselves in protective plastic and duct tape. They lose the presidential election in 2008 and all of a sudden we can’t even confirm a judge or have an up or down vote on anything in the Senate. They win back power in the House in 2010, and they try to make us default on our debt and destroy our impeccable credit rating in 2011.

If this country had any memory or valued a decent night’s sleep and healthy blood pressure, we would never elect these bastards to any office. They’re too stressful. They may be more radical than ever before, but it’s not like we haven’t been dealing with this nonsense for decades at this point.

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