My personal life and health were basically in a shambles when a co-worker I’ll call Mike insisted on taking me out to dinner. By then we’d had a good working relationship for a number of years. While not frequent, many of us in the office participated in non-work social activities that often included spouses and significant others. Mike’s wife and I shared an interest that others in the office didn’t; so, we had conversations beyond, “Hi, how are you doing” at these gatherings.
Cheering me up seemed to be the point of Mike’s invitation. But I didn’t want to be cheered up which led to his insistence that we have dinner. In a restaurant. Both of us driving own vehicles and meeting at the restaurant.
After I arrived and was seated, Mike handed me a rose. This did make me uncomfortable, but I silently rationalized it as nothing but a kind gesture from a concerned colleague. The dinner was fine and had done the trick to make me feel less sad.
Then suddenly, while still in the restaurant, Mike grabbed and kissed me. This surprised and shocked me enough that it was few moments before I gathered my wits and pulled away from him. Not wanting to make a commotion, told him that we seem to have had different impressions of what was happening here.
End of story. One I’ve never told anyone. In the grand scheme of life, it was inconsequential. I didn’t hold it against Mike, and he related to me as if it had never happened except once or twice when he mentioned that he still found me attractive. Over the years I learned that his wife knew that Mike wasn’t the most faithful husband and I think she also knew that I wasn’t one of Mike’s “other women.” They raised two beautiful and well educated children and are today happily retired.
So, when I read
[In Bill Cosby’s house when his wife and her date were in another room in 1967] “He walked over to me and grabbed me, pulls me really tight to him, kisses me on the mouth, like really really rough. And I just took my hands and I pushed him away,” Ferrigno told KFI radio station.
I’m like wtf? Boorish, disrespectful behavior is several major steps from rape. Yet, the media is lapping up Ferrigno’s story as if it’s more evidence that the rape allegations against Cosby are true.
We’ve come a long way since 1945
when a sailor spontaneously grabbed and kissed a woman that had never seen him before in her life. A kiss that she neither welcomed nor appreciated. Behavior on his part that isn’t acceptable or tolerated today. But do we want to criminalize it?
Eisenstaedt still took a great picture even if the kiss was technically assault.
