I’m pretty acutely aware that as a straight, white, Protestant man living in America that I’m living life on the easiest difficulty setting. I don’t resent anyone or any group for making my life harder than it has to be. Even the negative impact of the political right leaves me mostly untouched. I can’t honestly say that I’ve ever missed an opportunity because it was given instead to a woman or a minority, although I could be wrong about that. If it turned out that I had been passed over because of my race or gender, however, I’d shrug it off and take advantage of the next opportunity that came along. There’s no shortage for people like me.
So, really, I have no sympathy for Max. I don’t think it’s hard out there for a white man. Not because they’re a white man, anyway. Lately, I’ve been feeling like life has me pinned down with sniper fire. I can’t get my head up without some dangerous projectile coming at me. But this is more a confluence of crap coming due all at the same time, and it has absolutely nothing to do with my identity. It’s a down cycle of life that will hopefully turn over to more positive things shortly.
One thing I’ve felt for a while and has really been reinforced for me lately is that bitterness is the nastiest most toxic emotion, and, fortunately, it just isn’t a disposition that is in my makeup. I know there are things I could be resentful about and other things I could beat myself up over, but none of that comes naturally to me. I just wish I could figure out a cure for these maladies in others, because they just eat people up and destroy them.
When I went on the academic job market in 2001 I was a finalist for several positions. The one I most wanted (very badly), and for which I had had an amazing interview, went to an African American woman from Harvard. I came second.
I was really disappointed, though I ended up getting a great job anyway.
My first thought beyond that was not “How unfair!” It was, “Good for them for getting a smart woman and person of color who they clearly needed.”
I expect the fear and anger that so many white guys have is directly a product of their expectations and of their psychological maturity.
Like you, I was passed over on one identifiable occasion in favor of a person of color. But then I benefit from my skin color on a daily basis in too many ways to count. So no resentment here. I feel very fortunate.
I think it would make more sense to give people a leg up based on socioeconomic background rather than skin color. It’s also a lot harder to do.
Would that have been your first thought if a white man had gotten the job? And aren’t you implying that they gave it to an the woman, not because she was better than you, but because she was a black, or female, or a Harvard grad?
I find I have no time to beat myself up over decisions and or mistakes I have made in life. See I have noticed that life has supplied me with an abundance of others to fulfill the role of beating me up. This is nothing to get upset about though for I use the criticism thrown at me to evaluate myself once in a while.
I have found that for the most part the sources of criticisms have been found shall we say wanting in their estimations of me. Thus I apply rule #3- Consider the source.
Max is a strawman. How typical is he of anything?
The reason you guys don’t feel bitter about the idea of being passed over for a woman or a minority is because you have a lot more strings to your bow, you really have a lot of advantages. Not because you’re white, but because you’re highly educated and from reasonably affluent families.
There’s a lot of uneducated, lower middle class to poor white guys (and gals) out there. In reality, they are not any better off than lots of minorities. They just think they should be.
And keeping them feeling that way is the oldest of Southern ruling-class traditions, which unfortunately proved perfectly adaptable to the rest of the country.
They shouldn’t be doing better than minorities. But they should be doing a lot better than they are, and so should minorities. In other words, it’s long past time to be thinking in terms of class, otherwise we’re mot seeing the forest for the trees, and we’re playing along with that time-honored southern tradition, even, as you say, in the rest of the country.
Note how the only acceptable way to be working class anywhere in the country is now to adopt the folkways and such of the South… It’s a rare day in the Hannaford’s parking lot I can’t pick out at least one truck with the Confederate battle flag on it, and this in a town where one male in six — not one military-age man in ten, one male in six — went off to fight the Civil War and didn’t come back.
I’m pretty sure the millwrights and farmers and fishermen of Maine a hundred years ago weren’t rocking out to the 1910 version of Lady Antebellum.
When I see these Southern symbols outside this geographical area, I say to myself, “In America there has always been a culture war between Boston and Nashville, and Nashville won.”
I’m a pretty traditional guy in a lot of gender-related ways, and ‘Max’ offends me as a sexist. What a pathetic little wanker. Man up. Surely there’s a difference between ‘Men’s Rights’ and ‘Boys’ Whines.’ Isn’t one traditional cornerstones of ‘being a man’ the ability to get your ass kicked, actually or metaphorically, without crying about it? These MRA guys know masculinity like zombies know skincare.
Find me the difference in practice between those two things. It’s like telling me “conservatism” isnt fairly represented as portrayed, as the Andrew Sullivan’s of the world tell us. Best they have is yelling Burke! every time.
Between which two things?
‘Men’s Rights’ and ‘Boys’ Whines.’
If there were a legitimate men’s rights movement, it would be aimed at corporations and the media and tell it to stop dividing the workforce and society by identity. Also fight for a new social contract. The one-size fits all one after World War II left out the majority of the nation. (If you don’t know what that social contract was, read Susan Faludi’s description of it in Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man. After 16 years, neither the rhetoric nor the situation have changed.
In my case the cure was anti-depressants, but it’s not going to change my disposition which does tend to resent groups for making my life harder than it has to be, beat myself up over things, and be bitter about things. It just makes these things not burn with shame and guilt and anger. It doesn’t change the facts.
In my case the real cure would be money, about $120,000 worth. And then it’d be all gone.
“I just wish I could figure out a cure for these maladies in others, because they just eat people up and destroy them.”
Why?
It’s hard to know how to interpret this comment, but I’m old enough now to see the futility of such an effort. I’ve spent a good part of my life (and my accumulated wealth) trying to help people completely unable to take proper advantage of such assistance. Part of wisdom is knowing when to leave others to make their own choices and allowing them to live with the consequences.
So you’re “wisdom” was hard-earned.
I don’t know how to respond to this… Mr. BooMan is the one saying stuff like this: “I’m so worn down. I cannot get enough rest. I swear. And then I just want everyone to shut the hell up and stop talking nonsense.”
He (You?) sounds like he’s having a crisis. I suppose I shouldn’t have engaged at all under the circumstances.
But for the record, my so-called wisdom is what keeps me from being worn out. Sometimes you just have to let shit go. And it is surely true that American politics ain’t worth it.
I don’t think it’s hard out there for a white man.
Well, no. Not if you go to Princeton. I suppose not.
yeah, that would have been nice.