One year ago today I was writing for you dear readers when my sister-in-law called to tell me that the Ohio State Police had phoned and given her the news that my brother had never made it to Michigan after he pulled out of my driveway. He had turned into a rest stop outside Cleveland and died of liver failure in the parking lot. He hadn’t had a drink in eight months. I hadn’t had a drink thirteen months.
He was ten years older than me. He was my little league coach. He taught me about history, music, politics, girls, and how to be a man. In the last months, we were closer than we’d been in decades as he worked like a champion to put the pieces of his life back together. And then it was all cruelly smashed.
But I intend to celebrate this damn anniversary in his honor.
My condolences.
My sister and I lost our brother earlier this year. He struggled with his demons his entire life, but it never seemed to dent his spirits. He was always a glass half full kind of guy.
Only my sister and I are left now, and only we carry the memories of our family.
.
Sorry for your loss, again. Good that you memorialize him for the good and admirable things he did.
While it is often a painful thing to do, as it highlights the fact that there has been a significant loss which can never be recovered, it is also often remarkably cathartic to remember those close to us who have passed. Whether it is in tragic and unexpected circumstances or in a completely expected way, the sum of the loss is equal. And while memories are the best that we can conjure in times like this, they can at least reconnect us again, in a way, with the loved one.
Peace to you, brother, and to all your family and the friends who are still dealing with the loss of your brother.
Anniversaries of loss are difficult. Please accept my condolences. My mother still cannot sit idle on my late father’s birthday, which is October 11th. She books a short getaway trip through the local senior center and goes away for a few days. This year she went on a short scenic train trip with my mother-in-law. It takes her mind off him and how much she still misses him.
We all deal with our grief in private ways, which is as it should be. No one can tell us how to mourn or for how long. We hopefully reach a point of fond rememberence and less pain.
Booman, I’m sorry for your loss and sympathize. I said goodbye to the last of my parents’ generation a few months ago, a dear aunt, and am now the eldest of the kids and cousins. I hope I’ve been able to pass a little of their love and wisdom along to the next to come along after me. That’s really the only big job I have left.
May you have peace in your good memories of your brother.
So sorry, man.
Too awful.
I wish I didn’t really understand what you’re going through, but I do. My oldest sibling died of cancer at 21; I was 16. My memory of getting the news, and of the rest of that day as relatives gathered, is as fresh today as ever. You’re doing the right thing by celebrating your brother’s memory instead of burying it.
My heart goes out to you,Booman. Please let this community and your other communities,fellowships, and support systems help you grieve,remember, and honor the loss of your brother .
At the end of the day, he went out a winner. He was sober and fully dedicated to sobriety.
One of my brothers, with whom I was very close, died suddenly without ever getting it.That was in October a few years ago.
Thank you for sharing and helping all of us deal with our losses too.
Will Rogers Guthrie
I thank you for mentioning your brother. When we remember someone, they are alive again, in our memories, for a short time. Keep the memory of your brother alive in your thoughts.
Our time is short. We have our brief moment here, and then we are gone. My dad died 7 years ago on Nov 2. He never saw the house I live in now. I honor his memory, as I honor the memories of my ancestors and cousins and other relatives.
Think a good memory. I’m sure you will call your sister-in-law to remember him.
Be well.
I’m sorry for your loss. Congratulations on making it through the first year (in my experience, the hardest).
I lost my younger brother last year, ten years younger than me. Like you I quit drinking in solidarity but he just didn’t make it. Things don’t seem quite the same. God bless you, Martin. I have been thinking of him a lot and am sure you are feeling the same. Courage, brother.
Stay sober if that’s still working for you, Martin. Had my 14th birthday in August.
One of my older brothers is almost certainly dead by now; alcohol wrecked his body before he turned 45. I wish I had had the great relationship you had with your brother, and that we had the opportunity the two of you were able to take at the end.
Love, Brother.
over 25 months without a drop.
Good on you, Martin. Remembrance is important. It’s been closer to 10 years since my brother’s alcohol soaked organs gave it up. He drank for the both of us and several other demons besides – it was the only thing he brought back from his army life that he shared with all and sundry. Heart as big as the world, and smart beyond measure, but he just couldn’t control the imp of the perverse unless they were both drunk.
I hope that your memories of your brother continue to bring you strength.
Thinking of you and yours, BooMan.
I’m sorry to hear of your loss and am glad you can remember him fondly.
I’m so sorry, Booman. The great losses never quite go away. Take care of yourself.