If you’re reading this blog, you’re probably not a Republican and you probably won’t be voting in the Republican primaries. You probably don’t think like a Republican. But, still, you know who you like to drink beer with, and we all know that this is how real Americans decide how to vote. So, in that spirit, I thought I’d assess my feelings on the matter. But, since I’m a Democrat, I’ll do it in reverse order. Among the remaining Republican presidential contenders, who would I least like to have a beer with?
1. Rick Santorum- I don’t think I could stand to be in the same room as Little Rickey, let alone belly up to the bar with him. Everything about him fills me with visceral loathing. Plus, there’s the whole frothy mix visual that I can’t escape. I was tempted to list Mitt Romney first because he doesn’t even drink beer, but if I’m being honest, I’d hate spending time with Santorum more than with Romney.
2. Newt Gingrich- First of all, I like the sound of my own voice. When I drink, I like to pontificate in a pompous and didactic manner. The last thing I need is some dick who thinks it’s his turn to talk. Plus, he’s aggressively wrong about everything, which is not something I can tolerate in person, even when I’m sober.
3. Michele Bachmann- Not only does Michele talk too much, but she makes no sense even when she hasn’t been drinking. I’ve spent a lot of time in bars humoring people who are basically insane and who never stop espousing juvenile conspiracy theories. If I want more of that, I can get it at almost any bar in the country.
4. Rick Perry- I don’t want to sound like a jock, but I don’t drink with male cheerleaders. I especially don’t drink with male cheerleaders who appear more likely to commit date rape than the jocks. I also don’t drink with big moronic Texans because it usually involves a fistfight with someone dumber than a bag of hammers.
5. Ron Paul- Maybe Ron Paul has the slightest hint of Willie Nelson in him. Having a beer with him might not be so bad until he started talking about monetary policy. Anyone who talks about monetary policy while you’re trying to drink should be shot.
6. Jon Huntsman- I’d gladly drink with Huntsman. Not only could I enjoy the experience of corrupting his morals, but he’s actually been to interesting places and done interesting things. I could pick his brain for hours.
7. Mitt Romney- Since he doesn’t drink and he’s fabulously rich, it would just be more free beer for me.
How about you? Who you least like to drink with?
Sorry, too busy throwing up in my mouth to decide who amongst these I could drink with. The only Repuke I could drink with would be Eisenhower, and he was a Democrat (in today’s party).
Well, I do vote in Republican primaries as I don’t need to register for a party here. Of course, my state is on Super Tuesday and the candidate could very well be selected by then. I had initially planned on voting for Bachmann, but now I might for RP just to stir some trouble. I’ll probably know who will be getting my vote like the day before.
1. Michele Bachmann tied with Newt Gingrich
3.Rick Santorum
I also wouldn’t mind working for Huntsman’s company, given a lot of what it does is in my field of study.
Least? Whoever the latest al Qaeda #3 is. Those guys are accident-prone.
unless you’re telling me that I can be shaking it for 5 minutes until they get there and then open it all over them…it’s a no go for me
Gotta be Santorum. It’d be hard not to throw up a little when I see the foamy head on the mug.
Actually, you CAN talk to Newt. He takes a deceptively hunched over, submissive posture when he wants your vote. I’ve seen him stand there with his chubby fingers interlaced over his puffy tummy, his chin tucked down and his beady eyes gleaming up from beneath his brows at the faces of Libertarian Party nerds pontificating and being pompously didactic. He would bob his head, agreeing with WHATEVER they said. Like totally.
Now, I did observe this over 20 years ago before he was Speaker of the House and was still mainly a professor at Kennesaw State College. But I imagine he still does the same routine. He’d give a fiery, bombastic speech declaring X was his absolute position. Then at the mixer afterwards, someone would get in his face, declaring Y was the purer Libertarian position and he’d go all simpering and appeasing, muttering, “Point taken,” or “I’ll grant you that.”
It was this behavior that alerted me to the fact that he was a politician who will say or do anything to get the power he craves then do as he damn well pleases. Of course, these days, I doubt too many people take a superior, know-it-all tone in his face. So he might enjoy the blast-from-the-past sensation of having a beer with YOU!
Thanks. I needed a good laugh this morning. Well said.
To answer your question: Beyond doubt Santorum would make my skin crawl and I’d be too busy retching to drink. He’s out of consideration entirely.
So, Bachmann gets my vote for least desirable companion in a bar because I’d be so tempted to start slapping her silly and wouldn’t be able to stop until someone arrested me.
“Anyone who talks about monetary policy while you’re trying to drink should be shot. “
even atrios?
Seriously though,I couldn’t drink beer with any of these fuckfaces.
Come to think of it, Atrios has talked about monetary policy over drinks in my presence and lived to talk about it.
as long as they were buyin and I could bring my duct tape I’d be ok with any of ’em.
First of all I’d need hard liquor to drink with any of these clowns. The person I’d least want to drink with would be Newt. Too pompous, too whack job ethicaly challenged and condescending.
#1. “W”
#2. All the rest of them.
#3. Bii Clinton (who is, btw, the ansewr to the question: “who was the best Republican president of the 20th. century?”
Least awful: Paul. At least there are some areas of agreement, and he at least seems capable of listening to someone besides himself. Well, at least so he knows which paragraph of his boilerplate Lib notions to spew. Runner up, Newt.
Awfullest: Santorum. The public piety mixed with genetic smarm is just too much to endure. Which pretty much describes the rest of the remnants as well, but Rick is just so…Technicolor about it.
He doesn’t just seem so, practically 99% of the footage from the Republican debates show him doing exactly that!