Vice President Cheney posing inside his top secret bunker
Washington, DC (APE) – Vice President Dick Cheney speaking in a videotape released to the Wall Street Journal today insisted that Zacarias Moussaoui was directly linked to the Al Qaeda operation which destroyed the World Trade Center on 9/11. He dismissed as “blatant propaganda” the Bin Laden audiotape released yesterday in which Osama himself stated that neither Moussaoui nor anyone held at Guantánamo had anything to do with 9/11.
“I am the one in charge in manufacturing and refining of intelligence in the war on terror since 9/11,” stated Mr. Cheney, “and America can trust that we will continue to strip down costs and produce a quality product. Our intelligence says that Moussaoui not only was involved, but was indeed a high ranking lieutenant and confidant to Bin Laden, one of the hundreds of “second in commands”, if you will, which we have captured over the years in our quest to bring democracy to the Middle East.”
The videotape, which was approximately 5 minutes long, was sent with a still capture of the vice president posing inside his top-secret bunker/hunting blind at an undisclosed location.
“Al Qaeda is a cornered animal,” continued Cheney, “and this, as every good hunter knows, is when big game can be the most dangerous. The take-home lesson is that all Americans should remain very afraid, and take this Bin Laden character’s threats very seriously.”
Bin Laden’s audiotape released yesterday was the second verified tape from him since January of this year. In January Bin Laden claimed that Al Qaeda was prepared to launch further terrorist attacks on American soil if the Bush administration did not agree to a truce which he offered on the tape.
“We know exactly where Bin Laden is, and he knows it too,” Cheney concluded on the videotape. “We could drop a low yield neutron weapon almost right on his head at any time and be done with this whole thing, but what would be the sport in that.”
This was apparently the first public exposure of the vice president’s vaunted top-secret undisclosed location. The news media and knowledgeable experts pored over the videotape and still capture for clues as to the vice president’s location, but were ultimately frustrated.
