Washington, DC (APE) – In a stunning development today, President Bush revealed to reporters assembled at the Rose Garden what he claims to be his only picture of Jack Abramoff. He stated that the displayed, framed picture was one of any number of pictures of friends and family that he keeps for inspiration behind his desk in the Oval Office. He again maintained no real knowledge of Abramoff but stated that the picture was more important to him for the other person, Karl Rove, who is depicted in it.
White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated that staff were frankly surprised with the president’s candid revelation today. He related that staff had made a real effort over the past week of investigating and classifying any such photographs around the White House, in the files of White House photographers, and those of independent news media. He stated that this one just got through somehow.
McClellan lauded the president’s attempt at honesty with the American public. “This just further proves our point,” he stated. “To maintain that there is any direct connection between Jack Abramoff and the president is just ludicrous, and the worst form of political posturing.”
When asked to comment about the impending revelation from Time magazine of five photos apparently showing that Bush had met Abramoff on a number of occasions, McClellan notably bristled. “The FBI and the NSA are currently investigating this claim, and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has sternly cautioned Time Inc. against publishing material which may have dire repercussions for the security of America. Funding for and conspiracies from America’s enemies run deep.”
President Bush explained the lateness of the revelation as a purely innocent mistake. “This picture used to be right in front with one that I have of Lar and the girls. As I recall, a couple of months ago, Barney had a little accident on it, and I dried it off as best I could. Then I put it back behind a bunch of others over top of a heating vent thinking that might dry it out a little better. I guess I just forgot about it then.”
“If I wanted to break the law…”
This nonsense sure sticks in the craw.
`Oh then just why would I brief,
And risk Congressional grief?’
Brief lies surely aid the scofflaw…
Halliburton is back in the News…
They gave some of our GI’s the spews.
Seems the water they’d filter,
Left our troops all off kilter,
`Cause the warnings of poo met poo-poohs…
The latest news on that predator drone,
Swept Pakistan like an ugly cyclone,
They want to toss our envoy,
Over the lives we destroy,
The end result… now Al-Qaeda’s enthroned…
Today Bush spoke of the “rightness of cause”…
Vowed `Right to Lifers’ would overturn laws…
Burying Roe versus Wade,
With an activist parade,
Led by Scalito, who’ll tip the seesaws…
Seems now Ford faces the fate of GM,
Profits falling to a point that is grim…
Announcing massive lay-offs,
Management stays at the troughs,
Designing cars that they’ll market on whims…
How entertaining, a war of the Pops!
Over Frank, it seems that Nick finished tops!
Complained his granddaughter cried,
But `twas his son who had lied;
This Mrs. Scalito performance just flops…
I bet that made some folks look askance,
When these guys all began to depants!
Saying they’d cause a melee,
Cops yanked them off the subway,
Were bombs hidden away as implants…?
