So many of the weepers and handwringers plaintively cry out that their American idol George W. Bush is simply a target of those suffering from that vile medical condition known as Bush Derangement Syndrome (BDS). These paid-up members of the FFFF (Freedom From Factual Facism) want to stop the lamenting about such ailments as AIDS ’cause that’s just so retro. Their motto: only look pleasantly forward. Their pinup gal: Laura Bush — she warmly reminds them of the inimitable June Cleaver. Their irrefutable proof that the media in this country is so tilted leftward: not a single episode of any of the card-playing shows currently saturating television has featured William Bennett. Checkmate. Case and mind closed.
But getting back to the foremost concern of the FFFF, it’s that within the general population of the U.S.damn near three quarters of the people in our country are presently inflicted with this BDS ailment. Forget AIDS or that HPV thingy, for the FFFFers, BDS is THE public health scourge in foremost need of a cure, a vaccine. or at least a rest .The immediate FFFF proposed solution: import undocumented Mexican workers to build walls around liberal enclaves. To make it a two-fer, the FFFF will then arrest and deport these illegal construction workers when the building is completed. Better yet, dome the liberals–don’t even let the oxygen they breath and carbon dioxide they exhale escape into the atmosphere and poison the unsuspecting general public. Hey, that’s the ticket: the liberal hot air causes global warming.
One other proposal, this from a FFFF splinter group called the Committee Against Irresponsible Factuality (CAIF), is to measure the testicle and ovary sizes of every American as a means of establishing political identity. On its website, CAIF states that since it is a well established fact (meaning Bill Frist has watched videotape and concurs) that the left testicles and ovaries of liberals are known to be quite a bit larger than the corresponding right ones, that this is the only accurate way to diagnose Bush Derangement Syndrome. For CAIFers, those in the political middle are plain nuts but them on the left are humongous nuts.
Those males and females possessing but one testicle or ovary will be rounded up and sent to the LIMBO internment resort and spa “two for one waterboarding on Mondays!) until individual political leanings can be determined.
FYI: CI (Constant Interruptor) Chris Matthews, always ahead of the curve, has already changed the title of his show to “Rightball.”
But despite being different organizations, both CAIF and FFFF agree on this: there is absolutely no basis for what some liberal traitors are disingenously calling the Deranged Bush Syndrome (DBS). Although the Center For Disease Control has pinpointed that this virus was first noted in the state of Maine, then quieted down until a major outbreak erupted in Texas, followed by a no-known-antidote explosion among upper tier D.C.ites and many in the mainstream media, both organizations repudiate the preposterous claims that 98% of those smeared as DBSers are completely lacking in testicles and ovaries whatsoever.
CAIF Spokesperson Manly The Lionhearted (born Eugene Twitty) flatly denied those sullied as DBS-infected employ surrogates to fight their battles. “We have battled in the trenches against the most dangerous of keyboarders, fought without fear against the vilest of teleprompter enemies, endured cream pies flung at the most injurious of speeds–golly, we’ve even had to take ratty ol’ cabs through hostile territory on a number of sorties. We are battle-tested and our courage is exemplary. Do not dare cross us or else you will receive the full force of our wrath. We will fight until you pry the mice from our cold, dead hands.”
