Let’s be clear. I’m no Bill, I can’t do what he does with C&J and thank goodness, I’m not trying to. I’m just cutting and pasting the ‘best’ from other places. We all need humor to get us through these times..sit back and enjoy, then get back to building freedom from the ground up..local action, party building, wever will change this country…
UPDATE: Bush has another bike accident only this time he hit a cop. Let’s see, first there was the eat a pretzel and fall down, then there were two bike ‘accidents’ out on the ranch, now he hit a PO in Scotland. Listen, just don’t let this guy near the suitcase with the Big Button.
“Starting tomorrow to improve his popularity President Bush
is going to jump up and down on Oprah’s couch.”
–David Letterman
“Despite protests from conservatives, this week President
Bush appointed an openly-gay man as his assistant secretary
of commerce. … Bush claimed that the gay man is perfect
for the Commerce department because quote ‘those people
love to shop.'”
–Conan O’Brien
“The Army announced this week they are now training mine-
sniffing dogs to go to Iraq. How bad do you have to screw
up at obedience school to get that job?”
–Jay Leno
“Support for the Iraq war is at an all-time low, and some
Republicans blame the media and its ’24/7 news coverage of
car bombs,’ which ‘tends to leave a certain impression.’
You know, that’s so true. You never hear about the cars
that don’t blow up.”
–Jon Stewart
“There was one embarrassing moment at the White House yesterday. … I guess when they brought out the Declaration of Independence President Bush kept looking for the treasure map on the back.” –Jay Leno
“Even if the flag burning amendment does become law, the larger problem will remain of how to respectfully dispose of older, tattered flags. Well, fortunately the U.S. official Flag Code has a suggestion about this. Quote: ‘The flag, when it is in such a condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem of display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning.’ Owwwwcchh. In response, the House Republicans are calling for tattered flags to be kept alive via a feeding tube.” –Jon Stewart
“The guards who watch Saddam Hussein say he sits around all
day eating Doritos. And, of course, in this country we call
that college. ”
–David Letterman
“The Supreme Court ruled that the government has the right
to seize your land. And today Native Americans said, what
else is new?”
–Jay Leno
“The Trade Bank of Iraq has issued the country’s first ever
credit card today. Catchy slogan – ‘The Bank of Iraq Card.
It’s everywhere you don’t want to be.'”
–Jay Leno
“Mattel has announced they are taking auditions for the role
of Barbie in a Barbie musical. This announcement answers that
old question – what could be gayer than Ken?”
–Conan O’Brien
“Government officials in California now have to pay a one
dollar fine when they use a word that’s hard for taxpayers
to understand. In a related story Arnold now owes $50,000.”
–Conan O’Brien
“A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms
for alcoholics. I believe those are called….dorms.”
–Craig Ferguson
“Well the big story, the Los Angeles Police Department
announced they will no longer arrest famous people who
break the law. What’s the point?”
–Jay Leno
“Today President Bush sent a congratulatory message to the
new president of Azerbaijan. Bush also wished the president
of Azerbaijan good luck in his fight against Harry Potter.”
–Conan O’Brien
“According to a recent Bureau of Justice survey, night is
the most dangerous time for law enforcement officers. Second
most dangerous time: day.”
–Jimmy Fallon
“Just 72 hours after President Bush met with Crown Prince Abdullah and held his hand, oil prices fell to under $50 a barrel. Boy, imagine if President Bush had let him get to second base — we’d be paying like a buck-ten a gallon now.” –Jay Leno
