Washington, DC (Rotters) – President Bush Monday accepted a bi-partisan election reform report from former President Jimmy Carter and former Secretary of State James Baker and immediately tossed it into the fireplace in the Oval Office in a largely symbolic gesture.

Bush said, “While this might have seemed like a good idea at the time, America has got to realize that we have some hard choices to make now. We are facing a real budget crunch as we try to make New Orleans and the entire Gulf Coast right again.”

Bush continued, “I do respect the hard work of the Carter-Baker commission, but while people are burning food on the Gulf Coast just to stay warm at night… well… this just comes at a bad time for America, and I’ll not stand for it.”

Former President Carter was noted to pale slightly and clutch his chest briefly, while Mr. Baker smiled and nodded approvingly.

(“Bush throws up on Japanese Prime Minister” plus TTL after the fold!)
“Bush throws up on Japanese Prime Minister”

President Bush seen just seconds before throwing up on Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi

New Orleans, LA (UPSI) –  In a bizarre repeat of history today President Bush became only the second President in history to throw up on a Japanese dignitary. Prime Minister Koizumi was paying a surprise visit to New Orleans to survey the aid efforts from his country. He toured one of the canals with President Bush where efforts were underway to pump out the toxic sludge and flood waters. Mr Koizumi seemed almost to sense the event unfolding but was unable to avoid it.

White House spokespersons stated that the President had felt fine earlier in the morning, but possibly a combination of the smell from sludge added to his earlier breakfast of “Eggies” served up by his advisor Karl Rove had resulted in the incident.

Today’s Topical Limericks

Psychopaths are the perfect investors,
Renowned as emotional divestors,
This new study has proved,
We would all be behooved,
To expect the elected molestors…

Karzai in Afghanistan’s breaking bad,
About American tactics, he’s mad.
He’s making it very clear,
He’d like us out on our ears,
He’s sick of all the air strikes by the scads…

Safavian’s been charged with corruption,
Abramoff brought about his seduction.
His wife Jennifer is large,
In House Reform, what a charge!
Crap continues without interruption…

Simon, the great Nazi hunter has died.
Was a death camp survivor who applied,
Both persistence and reason,
No matter the life season,
The fate of Holocaust Jews he decried.

Starring in a “Menagerie” review,
Then busted for grabbing buttocks, Mon Dieu!
Maybe ol’ Christian Slater,
Is the new Grope-a-nator,
Coming soon, a frotteur-ator near you?

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