United Nations (APE) – In a speech drawing modest applause, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called to task the 191 nation body in regards to the “Global War on Terror”. “The time to reform the United Nations is now,” she said. “And we must seize this opportunity together.” She went on to state that any definition of terrorism must not exclude any group that harms innocent civilians.
(APE exclusive photo follows)

Using the fingers of her right hand to tick her specific points, Ms. Rice continued, “No cause, no movement, and no grievance can justify the intentional killing of innocent civilians and noncombatants. This is unacceptable by any moral standard.”

Amidst the smattering of applause, a number of diplomats were noted to tick off the points of Ms. Rice’s speech along with her and return the hand gesture out of true understanding.

Looting Breaks Out on New Orleans Levees

New Orleans, LA (UPSI) – Louisiana National Guard troops had to be summoned to break up a near riot and looting incident along one of the city’s many levees being rapidly repaired in preparation for the possibility of a hit from Category 4 hurricane Rita making its way through the Gulf of Mexico. Fighting broke out amongst the workers who were busy shifting and arranging the giant bags that were earlier in the week dropped from government helicopters.

Soldier standing guard over recovered bills

Apparently one of the bags ruptured and it was discovered that the contents was several hundred thousand dollars in $100 bills. A fight broke out amongst the workers, and they also began digging and tearing away at the reinforced levee. The National Guard stepped in and quickly broke up the disturbance, but it is not known just how much damage was done or how much money escaped.

A spokesman for the Louisiana National Guard stated, “We will have to take some of the blame for this mishap. Our unit had been shifted back emergently from Iraq just after Katrina. In the confusion, we just got some of our bags mixed up.”

White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated,”The President’s recovery plan for the Gulf Coast continues. This administration continues to show what can be accomplished with careful planning, fiscal responsibility, and not resorting to “throwing money” at a problem as has been done in the past.”

Today’s Topical Limericks

Able Danger now heads to back-burner…
Pentagon has closed up this page turner.
Someday the truth it will out,
Despite these ham fisted louts,
And Rumsfeld the Congressional spurner…

Katrina left New Orleans as toast,
And now Rita bears down on Gulf Coast.
But they’ve learned from their mistakes,
And all the thirsts will be slaked,
For profits that the oilmen love most…

Leahy gave a “Rooty Vermont” spiel
John Roberts seems to be a done deal,
Kerry and Reid see this judge,
As just a man steeped in fudge,
And appeal to vote down this schlemiel…

Bush domestic advisor Townshend,
Will Katrina attempt to amend.
Will she watch Rita real close,
See all the FEMA kudos,
And then seek to transcend and commend?

This pic reminds me of the Titanic,
The couple on the bow, almost manic…
As Rita churns to the west,
Once more puts FEMA to test,
If Texan, he just maybe might panic!

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