Periodically, I check in on the late night comedians and see what they are saying about DC. They are a reflection of at least part of the country and they are dumping. And if you’re missing the new Doonesbury on the WH ethics class, get on it.There’s good stuff so away we go:
“Scooter Libby has set up a legal defense fund to help pay
his lawyer bills. For a thousand dollars you get a hand-
written letter and the name of a current CIA agent.”
–Jay Leno
“Vice President Dick Cheney is in town. Everyone likes it
when Dick Cheney is in New York City because he makes the
rest of us seem friendly.”
–David Letterman
“President Bush is busy traveling. Last week he was in Latin
America. Next week he will be in Asia. This all part of his
new domestic program called ‘you can’t blame me because I’m
not there!'”
–Conan O’Brien
“When these oil company executives walked into the Capitol
building, all these senators and congressmen were scared and
nervous. It’s always a little nerve-wracking when the real
owners of the place show up.”
–Jay Leno
“Well, while all this is going on, all these indictments,
President Bush has now ordered everyone in the White House
to attend ethics classes. And you thought FEMA was late?”
–Jay Leno
“Tomorrow is Election Day and Mayor Bloomberg is so confident
that today he called Florida and told them to cancel the
crooked voting machines.”
–David Letterman
“The White House announced that if there is an outbreak of
bird flu, they could restrict air travel. Americans would
not be allowed to go anywhere – except Iraq.”
–Jay Leno
“President Bush, is on his Asian tour now. He’ll visit Japan, China, South Korea, Mongolia. Once again, he’s skipping Vietnam.” –David Letterman
“President Bush on Monday defended U.S. interrogation of terrorists, saying ‘We do not torture.’ He added, ‘We freedom electrocute.'” –Amy Poehler on “Saturday Night Live”
“Every Friday night, CBS has this tremendous hit show, ‘Ghost Whisperer.’ It’s about a woman who is contacted by the dead, and she does things for them. As a matter of fact, earlier tonight, she was contacted by George Bush’s second term.” –David Letterman
“The price of gas is down for the 5th straight week. President Bush has called an emergency cabinet meeting to find out what the hell went wrong.” –Jay Leno
“Last month, the Senate voted for a ban on torture 90-9. You heard me correctly, nine United States senators refused to vote against torture. Those senators included Illinois Democrat Thumbscrews McGee, Iowa’s Cattleprod von Analpair, and of course, Ted Stevens of Alaska. … The vice president is lobbying to keep torture an option. That’s the guy not running for office in 2008.” –Jon Stewart
The big story from Washington today is that President Bush may have lied to investigators about the CIA leak. The theory is that President Bush may have been playing dumb. Well good luck getting anyone to believe that one.” –Jay Leno
Insiders say that if Karl Rove resigns, President Bush will not function effectively. Wait a minute, all this time he’s been functioning effectively?” –David Letterman
“President Bush, not looking good. His approval rating is down to 38. 38! That’s lower than Dick Cheney’s pulse. In fact, his approval rating is so low he’s actually eligible for FEMA assistance now. And It gets worse. According to the new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, among African Americans, President Bush’s approval rating is 2 percent. You know who the 2 percent are? Condoleezza Rice and Clarence Thomas.” –Jay Leno
And how about some Bill O’Reilly wonders? I won;t even bother with the San Francisco one, it’s gotten plenty of play.
“I just wish Katrina had only hit the United Nations building, nothing else, just had flooded them out, and I wouldn’t have rescued them.” –on his radio show, Sept. 14
“And guys, if you exploit a girl, it will come back to get you. That’s called ‘karma.'” -in his book, “The O’Reilly Factor For Kids,” 2004 (Source)
“You know what’s really frightening? You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary, but it’s true. You’ve got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night and they can vote.” -to “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart, Sept. 22, 2004 (Source)
10) “The ‘shut up’ line has happened only once in six years.” -responding to a viewer who said if he was so concerned about public figures being bad role models for children, he should stop interrupting guests and telling them to shut up, Nov. 15, 2002 (Watch video of O’Reilly telling various guests to shut up) (Source)
and to the star of them all. Mr. Stewart:
“You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.” –Jon Stewart
[Clip of President Bush addressing national guardsmen in Idaho]: “Nineteen individuals have served both as guardsmen and as president of the United States, and I’m proud to have been one.”
“Ah, the first rule of public speaking — always start with a joke.” –Jon Stewart
