Jonathan Weisman wrote DeLay’s obituary for the Washington Post. Carl Hulse did the job for the New York Times. Time Magazine chose a couple of familiar names: Mike Allen and Matthew Cooper.

Allen and Cooper offer a couple of Rovian shivs for DeLay’s back.

Bush had scored 10 points higher than DeLay in the Representative’s district in 2004, and that was only after Bush had recorded a telephone message to help rally local Republicans. “I can’t believe I had to do robocalls for him,” the President said bitingly to an Oval Office visitor.

To people who know Bush well, the remark said it all about the longtime chill between the two pols—a distance that is only sure to grow with former lobbyist Jack Abramoff’s guilty plea. Both camps describe the two conservative Texans’ relationship as professional—an alliance, not a friendship.

and this:

“Karl thinks of him as someone a little bit too opinionated for his own good,” says an official close to both men.

and then they get personal:

Even before DeLay’s announcement that he would abdicate his leadership post, top Bush advisers tell TIME, the President’s inner circle always treated DeLay as a necessary burden. He may have had an unmatched grip on the House and Washington lobbyists, but DeLay is not the kind of guy—in background and temperament—the President feels comfortable with. Of the former exterminator, a Republican close to the President’s inner circle says, “They have always seen him as beneath them, more blue collar. He’s seen as a useful servant, not someone you would want to vacation with.”

That’s gotta hurt. DeLay tried so hard to fit it. He visited the Russian oil barons and oligarchs. He went golfing at St. Andrews in Scotland. He stole as much money as he could. And this is the kind of love he gets? They think he is beneath them? They don’t want to see him on the links? It’s painful to watch the swords come out. And it isn’t just DeLay that is about to get posthumously hacked to a second death.

Press secretary Scott McClellan said Abramoff might have attended large gatherings with Bush but added, “The President does not know him, nor does the President recall ever meeting him.”

Sounds a lot like this:

Michael Corleone: Fredo, you’re nothing to me now. You’re not a brother, you’re not a friend. I don’t want to know you or what you do. I don’t want to see you at the hotels, I don’t want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won’t be there. You understand?

And this is after Abramoff worked so hard for the family. I guess his money’s good, though:

Abramoff was one of the Bush-Cheney re-election campaign’s “pioneers”—meaning he raised at least $100,000, most of it from others, in increments of $2,000. After Abramoff pleaded guilty, Bush aides announced they had donated to the American Heart Association $6,000 that had been given to the campaign by Abramoff, his wife and one of his Indian-tribe clients. But Republican officials said they plan to keep the remaining $94,000.

Meanwhile, not to be deterred from the finer things in live, DeLay has posted a profile at a dating site, where he says:

About Me
I’m a powerful man. I’m the hammer. I have an uncertain future but I need love, understanding and a pen pal while I’m away.

First Date
You have to be white. Next to Jesus you should have undying loyalty to me, the country, our flag and the Republican Party. I would hope you have an affinity for jumpsuits and the color orange.

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