Today’s NY Times runs a story about the ever widening socio politico acculturation dividedness between red and blue state America. And if you need a map, they actually have one: thin blue line down the left side, a vast emptiness across the central ninety percent of the land, the “heartland”, as it were, and then this little snot ball of blue located way up there in the northeast. You know, the part of America that is destined to someday secede from the Union and become a minor province of Canada.
My first reaction: does the New York Times know how to break the big news story or what?
I would have never believed in my wildest imaginings that a Starbucks-drenched South Dakotan might actually possess a different socio politico acculturation sytem than a Starbucks-drenched West Hollywoodite, an original Starbucks-drenched Seattlean or the (thoroughly demoralizingly)Starbucks-drenched Manahatta Islander without having read about it first in the nation’s Paper of Record. (Note to Manahatta Islanders: Starbucks??!!?? This world really is about gone, isnt it?)
Personally, donkeytale’s Paper of Record has always been Zig Zag, but now that he is a wealthy businessman he pays extra for the Modiano and Sons. No gum. The cigs are hard as heck to keep stuck together, but donkeytale will do just about anything to stay au courant in the brave new world currently engulfing his nostalgia.
Oddly enough, this same issue of the Times runs a couple of interesting articles about the Senate race in Pennsylvania, which is one of those conflicted states that is sometimes red, sometimes blue, sometimes Pittsburgh, sometimes Philadelphia, a little bit country and a little bit R&B.
Some people may say the same thing about donkeytale: sometimes red and sometimes blue. A little bit of Merle mixed with the O’Jays. Just doesnt work on paper.
My politics never runs consistently to one extreme like it should. My politics runs all the way from the principled conservatism of a Lucas McCain on the Right to the principled conservatism of a Hillarity Clinton on the Neo-Moderate-Leaning-To-The-Center-Now-Swinging-to-The-Right-And-Looking-Anywhere-For-A-Vote-Left.
Then it occurs to me: what this country needs is a third party! No, not a third party like the one the New Left Liberal Street Fighters are always blathering on about, but a VIABLE third party.
Personally, donkeytale fears for the New Left Liberal Street Fighters, and this idea of them all gathering together in these defenseless defensive positions behind their battered laptops and too much caffeine will just hasten to faciliate their impending martyrdoms, in his humble opinion.
Banding together in these tightly knit concentric circles on the internets is one thing–nobody knows who you really are and scarcely cares–unless you are a Hollywood Babe with a Don Rickles pottymouth or something–but I think you have to use your real name to join a political party, especially if you actually want to vote, as if THAT really mattered.
What I am trying to say is, by coming out of the blogospheric closet and into the real world as a third political party, the new left liberal street fighters will only be that much easier for the naziccistic Hard Right to hunt down and throw into these secret CIA Torture Camps currently under construction in deepest darkest Central Texas.
And the apocolypse of the Hard Left is almost upon us. It will come sooner than you think. In December 2008, the Hard Right will come to realize it no longer controls the Congressional Johns, the K Street brothels or even the Whitewash House. This will twist the Hard Right into a rage so infernal that they will immediately begin looking for easy targets to scapegoat.
The Purple Sages of the New Left Liberal Street Fighters Party might as well start packing a bag now for their inevitable shuffle off to the station to await the cattle car bound for Abu Greg, Texas.
And, in yet another sign of the approaching rapture, by February 2009 the Hard Right its own self will be immolated in a marvelous spontaneous combustion wrought by a bemused God. This miracle will occur when the two Hard Right Wusses recently appointed to the SCROTUS, John Robots and John Scabrito, both do a goose stepping about face and genuflect to the new world order (it will be official–women now in charge of everything).
Robots and Scabrito will reveal themselves to the entire world as…Centerists.
Are you reading this, Grey Lady?
