The Cursitudes
1 And addressing the multitudes, He sat down at the Oval Office desk, and when He was seated the cameras came on. 2 Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:
3 “Cursed are the poor in spirit,
For they fill the welfare rolls.
4 Cursed are those who mourn collateral damage,
For they provide comfort to the enemy.
5 Cursed are the meek liberals,
For they shall bequeath the earth to the terrorists.
6 Cursed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and civil liberties,
For they imperil the nation.
7 Cursed are the merciful,
For they shall, in giving mercy, endanger the homeland.
8 Cursed are the pure in heart,
For they have no resolve.
9 Cursed are the peacemakers,
For they do not understand the challenges we face.
10 Cursed are those who are persecuted for whistleblowing,
For they shall be prosecuted.
11 “Cursed are you when we revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.
12 Mourn and be exceedingly sad, for great is your punishment, for so we persecuted the activists who were before you.
