Well I’ve had it with all of the Sarah Palin hyperbole. We’re a better nation than this and we need to stop with the ad hominem attacks on the Alaska governor.

To that end, I’ve taken the time to compile some relevant facts that will set the record straight on the governor’s positions as well as the motivations for her selection by John McCain.

In the interest of efficiency, I’ve condensed the issues into a list of ten factoids.

NOTE: Snark alert…proceed at your own risk…
Number Ten:

All of this talk about the bridge to no where is so unfair. Everyone knows that Sarah Palin was first for the bridge to no where, then she was against the bridge to no where, then she took whatever money the federal government would allot for the bridge…and spent it on something else. Let’s lay off Governor Palin…she’s assured us that if Alaska needs that bridge, Alaska will build it…and I believe her.

Number Nine:

Sarah Palin is a reformer…she’ll work tirelessly to bring Alaska’s version of corruption and cronyism to Washington. Besides, the White House library needs some updating.

Number Eight:

It’s unfair to say that Sarah Palin speaks out of both sides of her mouth. Nothing could be further from the truth… everyone knows she’s talking to God when she speaks in tongues.

Number Seven:

It’s a good thing Sarah Palin is opposed to earmarks and wasteful, pork-barrel spending…it’s going to be needed to help offset Cindy McCain’s monthly credit card expenditures of over $250,000.00.

Number Six:

Sarah Palin won’t be anything like Dick Cheney. Everyone knows that Dick Cheney is a curmudgeon who spends his time holed up in an undisclosed location. Quite the contrary, Sarah Palin is a pit bull who spends her time holed up at home…collecting per diem from the state of Alaska.

Number Five:

Sarah Palin is a visionary politician. She knows that Alaska is a pivotal state in U.S. foreign policy…and no, it’s not because her state is next to Russia. It’s because Alaska is a religiously defined refuge state and she’s been preparing her state to accept the refugees that God told her to expect from the lower forty eight states when the rapture begins.

Number Four:

Sarah Palin is the dream candidate for millions of women. She’s a neo-feminist…the kind that thinks a raped woman should pay for her own forensics kit…right before she’s forced to carry that baby to term. Now that’s a woman every woman should support.

Number Three:

You have to love the idea of John McCain putting a fellow maverick on his ticket. Just look at the facts…John McCain hired a governor who knew her state didn’t need the expense of a state-owned jet…and he married another woman who told the press that she and her husband need a jet to get around Arizona. Everyone knows travel in Arizona is far more complicated than in the largest state in the union.

Number Two:

It’s unfair to criticize the GOP’s platform position on a woman’s right to choose…they’ve actually proven they will defend a woman’s right to choose…the time and place when she’ll answer any of the media’s questions.

Number One:

We need to stop making light of Sarah Palin’s pit bull metaphor. Everyone knows that the difference between a two star national guard general and a three star national guard general in Alaska is the lipstick on the pit bull’s ass.

Cross-posted at Thought Theater

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