And you thought only their vaginas were the problem. No, Republican legislators in North Carolina have identified the the “clear and present danger” that women pose to our great democracy: Their Bare Nipples!
On Wednesday, the state House Judiciary Committee C approved House Bill 34, which makes it a Class H felony to purposefully expose “private parts” for the “purpose of arousing or gratifying sexual desire.”
The bill expands the state’s definition of “private parts” to include a woman’s “nipple, or any portion of the areola.”
It seems that some “femi-nazis” last year in Asheville, NC – but don’t click on that link! You might see a nipple! – conducted a terrorist operation by holding a protest at which at least a dozen women bared their breasts – in public! Oh the fear that must have inspired in the good folks of Asheville, including their children. I mean isn’t anyone thinking about the children? One view of a woman’s nipple (and or an areola) would ruin their lives (unless the child’s an infant, of course)!
Thank goodness for NC State Rep. Rayne Brown, for recognizing this threat and making sure that any future nipple terrorists will be convicted of a felony, punishable by up to six months in jail, if they dare to bare their evil nipples in public. As a woman herself, who presumably has a pair (if you know what I mean) she was ideally situated to recognize the threat posed by a woman’s “upper body private parts.”
Unfortunately, there is a big loophole in the proposed bill that these Islamofascist Commie hippy-chicks might employ to oppress us with their boobies. Duct tape. Yes, even good old duct tape, in the wrong hands can be used to commit visual atrocities.
…Committee Chairwoman Rep. Sarah Steven (R) suggested that women could use pasties or nipple coverings just to be safe.
“They’d be good to go” with nipple coverings, Stevens said.
“You know what they say, duct tape fixes everything,” Republican state Rep. Tim Moore agreed.
Oh, you filthy minded, liberal enabler, Rep. Tim Moore! Destroying our family values again just so he could watch jiggling boobies at a public beach, for example. How dare you suggest violating the sanctity of duct tape!
Hopefully the good state legislators will stick some amendments onto this bill to make sure it covers up every conceivable situation. I’m thinking a simple ban on boobs would be the best solution. After all, the right to bare breasts is not enshrined in our Constitution, Praise the Lord!
