(cp @ dKOS)
Episode the First, in which I unleash my inner Freeper
I thought that, on the momentous occasion of Bush’s speech and the anniversary of the transfer of that sovereignty thingy to Iraq, we might take a spin around the globe and see how freedom, prosperity, and democracy were marching, now that Bush has reassured the world that he’s going to keep doing things exactly the same way and he won’t say when he’ll stop. That way, you won’t know WHAT He’s going to do!
So, where better to start with the reaction to Bush’s speech than out in Terroriststan? Take it away, hadjis!
London-based Al-Quds Al-Arabi
Yeah! Like Bush is going to give the sovereignty thingy to THOSE people! Bush will celebrate the exact same thing next year no matter what happens. That’s because he’s unswerveable and he’s bringing that to places in the Middle East, like Libya.
Oh, it’s from London. Nevermind, fruits!
Let’s leave England and hear from one of our allies instead:
Jordan’s Al-Dustur
What? No schools? No … painted schools? Terrorists bomb schools and then we paint them. Doesn’t our ally Jordan know that?
Jordan’s Al-Ra’y
More perfidy from Jordan! A “middle ground”? That would mean changing the Staying of the Coursing. And we thought that Jordan’s monarchy was our ally in Democracy™! How much “dignity” do you people need? You sound like that Democrat senator. You know, the one who rhymes with “turban”?
UAE’s Akhbar al-Arab
Iraqi resistance? They’re firing already? See? Bush’s Iraqi brigades are already on the march! Just like Freedom™! I can fight terrorism with exclamation points! It only takes like 1 1/2 keys on my keyboard!
But isn’t it sad that, thanks to the liberal media, we can only get the REAL news from a conservative thinktank like the UAE? Sad.
Israel’s Yediot Aharonot
Hello? Israel? Didn’t you get the memo? There is no timeframe. Rumsfeld was just being charming. And furthermore there is no burden on Bush’s shoulders. He’s got people for that.
So take your funny little customs and your funny little country and go kill someone else’s Savior next time, OK?
Libya’s Al-Shams
FINALLY some sense from Libya! Man, Bush sure scared y’all when he dragged Saddam from his Spider Hole™. Yes, the resistance of the Iraqi people to terror will be crucial to solving the terrorists. Now keep it coming, biyatch! More that. C’mon!
Egypt’s Al-Akhbar
What. The. Fuck?
Egypt?
Didn’t they just schedule elections? How the sam hill could they dolchstoss-thingy America behind our back with this hate-filled terrorist-support? Everyone know where the chaos came from. Iraq! Just like 9/11™.
Oh, and I just checked on Instapundit and Paul Bremer was NEVER the chief administrator of the United States, so nice try, Dan al-Rather bin LYIN’!
Iraq’s Al-Bayan
Iraqi people … historic juncture … constitution … their country … moving ahead … political process … Iraqi government … extremist … terrorist …
See? Now THAT’S how you stay on message! It’s like they cut up Bush’s speech and rearranged the little paper thingies into more Bush! And to think that so many liberals talk bad about our allies! Let the liberals read this and see how Freedom™ works! Americans could use more real Americans like Mr. al Bayan!
And on that note, let us slip the surly bonds of the liberal media and go around the world for more news about Democracy™ and Freedom™!
So, what’s the good word out in East Terroriststan? If you read between the lines of the liberal media, you can get the real news!
<u>Afghanistan</u>:
Labor calls for troop commitment to Afghanistan
Mr McClelland says the attack, during an American assault against Al Qaeda in the east of the country, proves that Afghanistan is still the terrorism “frontline”.
He says the drug trade in Afghanistan has flourished again and is being used to finance terrorist groups.
“This is our concern we suspect the Government will actually wait until they return troops from Iraq and put them in Afghanistan,” he said.
OK, let’s get one thing straight. Americans don’t give a damn about Frontline or any of that PBS propaganda, so save it for the lesbians in line at the abortion mills, bucko! Suggesting more troops at a time like this only highlights American casualties.
Afghanistan opium trade booming
The report says Southeast Asia’s decline in opium is one of the world’s eradication success stories, with regional production plummeting 78 percent since 1996.
But Afghanistan is now producing about 87 percent of the world’s supply of opium, which is the base narcotic from which heroin is produced.
So what? You can make anything out of anything. Look, if the Afghans want to make Opium or Polo or Chaps, that’s fine. Prosperity is part of Freedom™. And Democracy™. So long as American intelletual property like CK-1 is protected, only the liberals will complain.
Now why would a reporter want to tell people how to make drugs, hmmmmm?
Militants infiltrated into Cent. Asia from Afghanistan: Putin
“You know that we had intelligence on militants infiltrating (the region) from Afghanistan,” Putin said while receiving Uzbek President Islam Karimov at his Novo-Ogoryovo countryside retreat near Moscow last night.
Well, my heart bleeds for Karimov. His alliance with Bush has left his country vulnerable to attacks from Liberated Afghanistan, where Freedom™ reigns! That’s because they’re having to run away from Bush in the south! But you’ll never read that in the liberal media.
AFGHANISTAN: UN ENVOY CONDEMNS GROWING VIOLENCE
Recent incidents include the murder of cleric Maulawi Abdullah Fayaz, a massacre at the Abdul Rab Akhundzada Mosque, the murder of 11 employees of Chemonics and their relatives, the murder of five deminers, the beheading of Mullah Ida Khan in his madrassa and last week’s cold-blooded execution of at least four Afghan police in Kandahar province. In addition, there have been several fatal attacks against people involved in the upcoming elections.
While the south of the country has been most affected, other parts of the Afghanistan are far from immune. In Paktika, members of local shura (consultation) councils, a teacher and a religious figure have been killed by extremist elements. And insecurity has also worsened in Nangarhar.
A Frenchman at the UN reports that blah blah blah.
I’m sorry. You lost me at “Frenchman.”
Meanwhile, Bush is busily exporting American style Democracy™ to Iraq!
<u>Iraq</u>:
US to expand Iraq prisons to house 16,000 inmates
BAGHDAD — The US military said it plans to expand its prisons across Iraq to hold as many as 16,000 detainees, as the relentless insurgency shows no sign of letup one year after the transfer of sovereignty to Iraqi authorities.
Gee, I wonder what other sovereign nations the US will build prisons on next? Castro must be getting jealous!
Under fire on Iraq, Bush plays 9/11 trump card
Fort Bragg, North Carolina: President George W. Bush late on Tuesday invoked the name of Osama bin Laden and the horror of September 11, in a speech designed to stiffen wavering public backing for his tactics in Iraq.
Bush referred to the 2001 attacks though he was sure to infuriate critics who claim he exploited the tragedy to wage a premeditated war to oust Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.
Opponents have also assailed Bush for painting the Iraq war as a key front in his anti-terror campaign, a tactic he used in his successful re-election battle against Democratic Senator John Kerry last year.
Bush drew his latest parallel between the conflict and the terror strikes, which killed nearly 3,000 people on US soil, in a nationally televised speech from an army base in Fort Bragg, North Carolina.
Mentioning “September 11” five times, Bush also made rare reference to Al Qaeda mastermind bin Laden, still at large despite a huge US-led manhunt.
“The terrorists can kill the innocent, but they cannot stop the advance of freedom,” Bush said, referring to attacks on US troops and Iraqi civilians.
“The only way our enemies can succeed is if we forget the lessons of September 11,” Bush said, invoking the period of American resolve, which even his critics admit was his finest hour in the White House.
“Some wonder whether Iraq is a central front in the war on terror,” Bush said. “Among the terrorists, there is no debate. Hear the words of Osama bin Laden. ‘This Third World War … is raging in Iraq. ‘The whole world is watching this war’.”
“Trump card”? Sify news? More like SISSIFY NEWS! YOU’RE FIRED!!!
I’m glad the whole world is watching this war. That way, the whole world can see what we’re capable of, and what we’re made of. After all, if Osama thinks that Iraq is important, that that’s good enough for me! You see, we conservatives respect the views of people of faith. You liberals just don’t get that.
US firm facing $1.4bn question over Iraq bill
By Francis Harris in Washington
The biggest private American contractor in Iraq routinely inflated cost estimates, overcharged and supplied unnecessary equipment, according to evidence made public by Democratic senators.
Quoting US Army audit reports, the congressmen alleged that the oil services firm Halliburton had run up a total of $1.4 billion (£770 million) in questionable costs.
In addition, the hearings heard evidence from Bunny Greenhouse, the senior procurement official at the US Corps of Engineers, who said that the contracts were improperly awarded.
“I can unequivocally state that the abuse related to contracts awarded to (Halliburton subsidiary) KBR represents the most blatant and improper contract abuse I have witnessed,” she said.
The Republicans refused to join the hearings, arguing that they were politically motivated. The vice-president, Dick Cheney, was Halliburton’s chief executive from 1995 to 2000 but has severed his ties with the business.
Snort! Yeah, that Army report came from Democrat Senators. Enough said! Period!!!
“Bunny Greenhouse”? Yeah, like THAT’S a real name. It’s like, “hi, I’m Hothouse Marmoset, here to hate America for the liberal media!”
Whatever. America’s not dumbed down enough for this any more.
Veteran of Iraq war denied trip home to Cuba
ASSOCIATED PRESS WRITER
WASHINGTON — Cuban-American Carlos Lazo won a Bronze Star for caring for his wounded comrades in Iraq, but he can’t get to Cuba to care for a sick son.
Hello? Liberal reporter? HE WAS TRYING TO GO TO CUBA?!?! Cu-fucking-bah? As in the Castro? Man, how stupid do you think Americans are? We already learned that Cubans don’t care about their sons. Clinton didn’t get that and it cost him the election!
War of mosques is shattering Iraq’s hopes
By Peter Beaumont
THE OBSERVER , Baghdad
Wednesday, Jun 29, 2005,Page 9
When they killed Abdul Sattar Saffar al-Khazraji, he was waiting for the minibus that would take him to his work as a laboratory supervisor at Nahrain University.
At 8am, as the 30-year-old stood with other workers commuting from the Harriya district of Baghdad, two Opel cars sped up and blocked the road either side of him.
Two men on a motorbike roared into the gap left by the cars. The passenger fired at Abdul Sattar with a pistol as they approached, wounding him in the shoulder. As he collapsed in pain, the gunman delivered the coup de grace, putting a bullet into his head.
In a city where assassination is commonplace, one more killing goes unremarked. Yet Abdul Sattar’s death is a reminder of Iraq’s most critical question: whether, after two years of insurgency, the bombers of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and their allies are succeeding in a central aim — pushing a bruised population towards civil conflict.
For the significance of Abdul Sattar was his religion. He was a Sunni. His crime, friends say, was that he was pious and visible, a community leader well known for his involvement in charity and other religious works.
In Harriya, to the city’s north — occupied by both Sunni and Shiite — he was an obvious target. It is Shiite gunmen that his friends blame for his murder. And they are most certainly right.
TIT-FOR-TAT
In mixed areas of Baghdad, a low-level, tit-for-tat, sectarian conflict has been going on
OK, I’m gonna stop it right there, but I just wanted to show you that, in a country that’s drowning in sexual filth, this writer could even get through an article on Iraq without working SEX into the equation. It’s a good thing there are strong Americans like Dick Cheney out there to help clean up the discourse.
But also notice the not-so-subtle insinuation of religious conflict in Iraq. Nice try, but I know that Iraq is a M-U-S-L-I-M country, it’s all ONE RELIGION. It’s not like it’s Northern Ireland or anything, where Christians and Catholics go around kneecapping each other all the time. We’ve got this whole dramatic story here, and they paint it as some great mystery who killed this guy. I’ll tell you who killed this guy: a terrorist! It’s that simple. This is what Bush is trying to stop.
US Offensives in Iraq Meeting More Casualties and Increased
With the failures of both Operations Spear and Dagger in recent months, the US is pulling out “Operation Sword” in hopes of containing the expanding resistance in Iraq.
Operation Sword, a joint offensive involving more than 1,000 US troops and Iraqi forces, was launched against the resistance in western Iraq on Tuesday.
The offensive, considered the third major such military action in the area in recent weeks, is targeting communities along the Euphrates River between the towns of Hit and Haditha in the volatile Anbar province, said US spokesman Marine Capt. Jeffrey Pool.
This is the kind of Durbin defeatism we cannot afford in this country. I know that these operations weren’t failures because I’ve got numbers. Lot’s of numbers. Big numbers, too, some of them. One of the towns is already called “Hit.” Not too long before we’ll be reading about a raid on “Hit and Smacked” because they’ve both been pacified. Pacified into the stoned age like Reagan would have done!
You can’t fool someone that’s got moral clarity.
