Your nearly frozen correspondent got a bit warm above the clavicles while reading Christopher Lee and Lori Montgomery in the Washington Post on this fine cold Sunday morning.
They were selling a piece of obvious fiction called “Bush’s Proposed Health-Care Cuts Get Mixed Reviews” and saying things like:
Depending on whom you ask, the budget that President Bush proposed last week will save or sink Medicare and Medicaid, two popular programs that, along with Social Security, threaten to swamp the federal budget as the baby-boom generation retires.
And I was thinking: BS!! BFS!! It’s the MF Pentagon and the BS tax cuts for the filthy rich that threaten to swamp the bloody federal budget! Of all the despicable bloody BS!
It’s the GWOT — a BSWOBST at that !! — that’s eating up our bloody budget, you loony MF stooges, that and George MF BS Bush’s signature act of treason: wartime tax cuts! These are the things that threaten to swamp the bloody MF federal budget!
But no! That’s not right either!! These two things have already swamped the bloody MF BS federal budget, you bloody F BS-mongers! And it’s all part of a comprehensive, long-term, mostly-secret and thoroughly evil plan that you would be mentioning right now if you had any…
Don’t get me started. Just think of Grover MF Norquist and his vicious MF BS about shrinking the government till you can drown it in a bathtub …
Now think of Karl BS Rove and his favorite tactic: truth by inversion. How hard would it be for Karl BS Rove to come up with a diabolical MF plan to shrink the federal government by spending scads of money … by pouring it right into the pockets of the people who put him in office in the first place?
It wouldn’t take long for a slick-talking sociopath like George MF BS Bush to sell that plan to the fat and bloody ignorant American MF public, using a campaign which — irony of ironies — targets one of the groups it hurts the most: mid- to low-income Evangelical Christians with undiagnosed Cranial Rectal Disorder!
Bush, citing the need for fiscal responsibility, proposed reducing by $101 billion over five years the spending growth of the two health programs, which serve 93 million people and will cost the government $564 billion this year.
And well it should be MF controversial, you bloody MF AH scribblers! Where are the real reporters? Imagine writing about George MF BS Bush “citing the need for fiscal responsibility” without a historical comment! That’s the perfect place for a little historical context, eh what?
After six years of not being able to pronounce “fiscal responsibility” — much less spell it — the twice-unelected so-called president, now pretending to work with a bunch of spineless donkeys in Congress, discovers “fiscal responsibility” for the very first time, decides the sick and elderly will bear the brunt of it, and maneuvers to place the blame for this outrageous travesty at least partially on the newly elected donkeys.
BS! BFS! When does this MF BS stop? When do we get to see a bloody donkey who’s willing to kick up his furry little hind legs and say “ENOUGH!! All this robbing from the poor and giving to the rich has got to stop RIGHT NOW!!“
And what has happened to the merest shred of fairness in reporting? Look at what passes for “balance” in the next paragraph:
Budget experts call the plan one of the most significant efforts in years to rein in federal spending on entitlement programs. But health-care providers and advocates for beneficiaries call the proposed cuts arbitrary and say they would exact an unaffordable toll on a big part of the nation’s health-care system.
Did you notice how finely-crafted that first sentence is? It doesn’t threaten Ming pottery, but listen: Who could argue with budget experts? Is anyone against significant efforts? Who wouldn’t want to rein in federal spending? And entitlement programs certainly have a bad name in the CMSM lately, so in fact every phrase in that sentence was heavily loaded.
On the other hand, it says here the cuts would be arbitrary and they would exact a toll on a big part of the nation’s health-care system.
The nation’s health care system? What about the people? What about the bloody F people? Get out of here with your weak BS, you MF scoundrels! Toll on the system my sweet MFA!!
Some day, hopefully soon, the middle- to low-income Evangelical Christians — who have nothing really, other than their doctor bills and their pharmacy bills and their kids — will finally look up and see the cheap sleazy MF scoundrels they’ve put in office getting ready to start another war, and they will tremble. Or if they don’t, they should.
Because soon their kids will find out that there are no MF jobs and there is no chance of bringing in any more MF jobs (jobs? no, sorry! American jobs outsourced! sorry, Americans! global progress!!)
And there won’t be any unemployment or job-training or welfare or health-care (entitlements? sorry! we had to rein in the federal budget!) and they’ll soon find out that their only viable economic options involve choosing one of the various ways in which they can risk their lives in some Godforsaken country whose name they cannot even pronounce, let alone spell. And that’ll be that!
The only jobs left will be temporary till-death-do-us-part gigs in the Front Row of the Empire, where their kids — and your kids, and mine — will patrol the perimeter as professional pawns in the endless, pointless and mostly bogus generational struggle against the demonized other — the nameless, faceless, and ultimately invincible enemy which the vicious lying warmongering Fisto-Crashists like to call islamofascism.
They have to say that; it’s the only way they can do Empire without a Draft.
And they’ll win the hearts and minds as well as the warm bodies of all the mid- and low-income Evangelical Christians with undiagnosed Cranial Rectal Disorder, right along with all the other warm bodies they need, because whether or not we’re all gung-ho about the Holy Bogus Imperative of wiping out Monolithic Global Islamofascism, we all have to eat, don’t we?
And if there are no other MF jobs, that’ll be because these vicious MF BS-mongers have been shipping them out of the country ever since they started implementing their long-term plan to turn our more-or-less moderate democratic republic into a totalitarian military-police state.
But there’s still no bloody MF money, and it’s BS to blame it on entitlements. The secret — the open but deadly and therefore mostly unspoken secret — is that there’s no bloody MF money because your friends and your relatives and your neighbors and your co-workers, and all the stupid MF people you honk at and swear at every day on your way to work — and all the people they know and love and work with and swear at, and so on, and on and on — all those people bought all that BS!
And they sat on their couch and watched NASCAR or they went down to the corner for a beer or they did a thousand and one other things, and while nobody but the Fisto-Crashists were paying attention, our collective future was stolen right out from under our noses, in broad daylight — on television, even!
And now, Little Georgie — Little Georgie MF BS Bush — wants all the MF money this suddenly-BS country can borrow, just to pay for his Excellent Adventures. And we’re getting it in the MF ear — again! — from the GD WP, which IMVHO no longer deserves the privilege of using my MF initials.
What BS! It’s no wonder I’m getting a little warm above the clavicles.
And that’s putting it mildly!
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