It’s come to my attention that the Hate America crowd has taken to the airwaves, pushing such foreign concepts as Pilates and Tai Bo, in an effort to wipe out our Sacred Flab.

They must be stopped. Paunch made America great. As we gather for our grease laden 4th of July Barbeques, we must take a solemn  

 Pledge of Allegiance to the Flab.

 I pledge allegiance
 to the Flab
 of the United States of America
 and to the consumption
 from which it stems
 One Nation, overweight,
 with mustard and relish for all.

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