[Note: I’m posting this upon my arrival home in Somerville, but I wrote it last night in the Vancouver airport. I’m not changing the tense of the piece because I want to retain the immediacy of what I was feeling last night.]
I’m not the type of person who usually cries at weddings. (I often avoid weddings altogether.) Today, tears were rolling down my face. Part of that was, of course, happiness for my aunts. They had had a rough couple of weeks. A friend of theirs died recently after a long and difficult struggle with cancer. Additionally, prior to leaving for this trip, they had to put their dog to sleep. Her own nine-year struggle with heart problems–Sweetie wasn’t supposed to live more than a few months when they got her–along with breathing problems had finally become too much for her to bear.
Today, though, was a day for celebration.
Thanks to the “good” citizens of Ohio, Ruth and Roxanne’s marriage will have no legal standing when they return home. Despite that, though, they are now legally wed. They had planned to go to both San Francisco and Portland to marry last year, but marriage equality in both those locations were put to a stop less than a week before their planned trips. So, when the minister said today, “By the power invested in me by the Unitarian Univerasalist Council and the Province of British Columbia I pronounce you married” it carried a bit more emotional weight.
Love and joy filled the sanctuary today, community and family. My parents walked Ruth down the aisle and Roxanne’s brother and father did the same for her. All of us who were in attendance took part in the ceremony. (I had a reading and was in charge of the CD player.) Their motto is “Life isn’t sure, have dessert first” so we had champagne and cake before going out to dinner. When we got to the Restaurant, the staff had placed a wedding card on the table for them, which surprised all of us. It was such a happy day.
This was also a political wedding. Over coffee this morning (Starbucks is taking over the world), one friend of theirs asked (I’m paraphrasing), “Since this marriage won’t have any legal standing, why not just have a commitment ceremony at home?” Their response was that this was a statement they were making, that those who desire to marry should be allowed to. Good citizens should be eligible for the full rights of citizenship. This was also a symbolic statement of how much further ahead Canada is of the United States, of the hollowness of the United States’ commitment to “freedom” and “equality.” For most gay Americans, those promises are empty, words void of content.
I couldn’t have afforded this trip on my own. My parents bought my ticket because the thought it was important that I be there, for Ruth and Rox and for me. I am so happy I was able to be here. My folks know about the long days I spent at the Massachusetts Statehouse fighting, in my own small way, to keep marriage equality in the Bay State, as well as my dozen years or so of queer activism at varying levels. Memories of those activities also came flooding back today (another source of the tears). After the years of frustration, of pain, of fun, of fear, today, in a very small way, I won. (My parents have no idea how deeply grateful I am for this gift.)
As a wedding gift, I’m making a donation in Ruth and Roxanne’s name to the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund. I’m also going to make a request. If there’s a gay couple you care deeply about and want to see treated equally, make a donation in their name, to Lambda, to the ACLU or to whatever organization doing this work that you like. (Or, you could make it in Ruth and Roxanne’s names…)
The struggle for marriage equality will be difficult and long, but we will win. After all, as today demonstrated, we have something our opponents totally lack: We have the power of love!
Congratulations Ruth and Roxanne. I love you.
Crossposted at DailyKos and CultureKitchen
