… I would’ve put “Breaking” in the title, but I figured that should be reserved for bood’s diaries & not some silly thing about the world coming to an end in less than a week. Or maybe it should be reserved for Kirsty Alley’s new wonder diet or Angelina’s lips or war or something like that… too confusing for me in any case since all I wanted to do was give y’all a heads up!
So how do I know this you may be wondering? Good question! I knew there was a reason I hung out here.
See it’s like this…it’s a long story so bear with me…
I met this girl who is friends with a guy who once bummed a smoke from this snake oil salesman in El Paso who told him about this other guy who owned a moose who once predicted that a white guy who was watching football would choke on a pretzel…. And there you have it… the moose is psychic! So you can imagine my eagerness to hear about this most recent prediction about the world ending.
It appears, well at least this is what my acquaintance told me, but she was high at the time and couldn’t quite remember all the details, but anyway, apparently this guy ran into the actual dude who owned the moose in Nashville at the Opry this weekend, except the moose wasn’t with him, it was back in Baja with his great niece helping to haul cauliflower from the ocean to the market in town… but I digress… anyway, so this guy told this other guy that before he left Baja the moose told him that it would come to pass that a woman who was wearing a pink t-shirt and was burnt by the hot sun would meet the man who choked on the pretzel & it would cause some other guy who has some sort of a heart condition (I think it had something to do with his heart being pure evil, but I could be wrong, my girlfriend was kinda fuzzy on this part…) to go nuts and call some Asian guy with a hyphenated name a total dickhead and to “Bring the spooks on” (although, once again, my friend couldn’t recall if it was spooks or nukes, which would make more sense I suppose… I know, I know, details, details… the devils in the details spider…)… which then would cause this hyphenated guy to buy the Texas Rangers and turn them into a ping pong team which then would cause pretzel boy to start speaking in tongues, which unfortunately for us includes the national security launch codes to the ridiculous amount of warheads the US has pointed at the world… and then “poof” that would be that and Bob’s your uncle… the world would end… (Seems like such a trivial thing to end the world over dontcha think? Oh well, I guess that’s why I’m not in politics… or the psychic moose business, but I digress…)
Or the moose would turn into a frog and marry centipede… like I said, it’s a bit fuzzy, but pertinent none-the-less… at least at 2am it appears to be…
😉
