Administration officials have recently told I Cogitate that President George W. Bush issued a plethora of fundamentalist fatawa soon after taking the oath of office in 2000.
The first detailed that he from then on be only addressed as Mufti G.
Such orders bind adherents, believers and other kool-aid swallowers to both carry out and live by these various codes. Or else. Meaning a personal fatwa could and would be issued on each and every one of the fallen, those who challenged and failed to humbly obey.
One Administration official said that Bush became enraged when meeting French President Jacques Chirac prior to the invasion of Iraq. The official stated Bush berated Chirac and repeatedly shouted “my fatwa is bigger than yours and always will be, you…you cheese swilling surrender primate.”
The primary subjects of Bush’s multiple fatawa include:
truth – the only truth self evident is that issued by Mufti G, believe none other. Consider this the One Commandment.
science – although the word ‘science’ means knowledge, step back from such a dangerous and foolish ledge. Coming from the latin word ‘scientia’ or ‘to know,’ both I and Kansas know better. Science may commonly be defined as the investigation or study of nature through observation and reasoning, aimed at finding out the so-called truth, but why go through all that effort about demonstrable phenomenon when you can just listen to me? Remember, the meek shall inherit the earth. Be meek to me and only me.
dissent – the act of protesting is evil, do not take it upon yourselves to be so selfish as to think when all you need to do is just obey. Obey me. To not is heresy.
I Cogitate was able to obtain the opening statement introducing the various fatawa:
“My rulings to eliminate anthing that is so-called ‘fact-based’ is an individual duty for every Mufti-ette who can do it, in any country in which it is possible to do it. Such efforts are necessary in order to liberate would-be Mufti-ites from the grip of those worshipping knowledge. I demand you fight the pagans of knowledge and science all together as they fight you all together and fight them until there is no more science and knowledge, until there prevail only faith in me and my divineness. Such knowledge-worshippers must remove themselves from all the lands of Mufti-dom so that they can no longer threaten the virtues of ignorance.This is in accordance with the words of the most Mufti On High.”
I Cogitate cannot reveal the multiple sources of the above information for fear that such informants would soon find themselves gagged, shackled and on a one-way rendering flight to the darkest regions of either the obviously Christian oxymoron countries of Romania or Poland.
