Nu Years Rezolushuns
1. Make sure Laura sent Karl a holidays card on time next year.
ps. make that a xmas card.
pps. don’t forget to sign it “pardon you?” (karl luvs a good joke)
ppps. for fushure refrense don’t adddress it to turd blossom
(post office says they won’t deliver if use profanity anymore)
2. Award metal of freedum to Scooter and that NY Times broad.
ps. Tell Colon he lost his chance this year, but if he
gets with the program a little more, maybe next year
3. No more supreeme ct. appts. for Harry no matter how much smarts she says I got.
4. Fire that Noah weather guy. And tell Karl to cut their funding too.
5. Change Dick’s nickname to the Godfather (says he don’t like “Big Time” for some reason)
6. More wiretapping. A lot more. And this time add that backstabber Barr to the list
7. Get Karen to fix my puter — again.
ps. Get those nsa guys to find me a Paris Hilton video site with no virusses
8. Check with Bird Flu guy about when I shud make another speech on it (scaring people is fun!)
ps. check with Fredo as to when I can declare marshal law again
(do we need a real emergency or will a potenshul one do?)
9. Skedule another aircraft caryer trip (with plane ride)
Ask karl why we didn’t we do it last year when told him I wanted another one
pps. scratch that: tell Karen to handle it this time
10. Have Harry write Mom a thank you note for my present.
ps. tell her next year to send 2 bikes in case I brake one
11. Stop drinking!!!! (this time its FOR REAL)
12. No more press conferences! Ever!
13. Don’t forget Father’s Day this year.
ps. Exploding cigars or golf balls? Or both? Ask mom.
14. Remind Scotty he’s doing a heck of a job.
ps. no metal yet tho.
15. Make sure to check with that Yoo guy about that dissolving Congress memo he sent me.
ps. How soon can I do it? Do I need a new war or can I use the old one?
16. Don’t forget Condi on Valentine’s Day (and have Harry send her roses this year, not chocolates).
ps. no more passing notes!
pps. check with doc on that prostate thingy.
17. Ask Bolton on how his plan to tear down the UN is going.
18. Tell Tony if he don’t like the poodle I sent him, we can always get him a scotty from our next litter.
ps. Make sure and ask him if he wants to get some of me and Sharon’s
Iran Syria action.
(I forgot Dick told me that had to be postponed — for now)
19. Get rid of all those gifts from Jack. ASAP!
ps. keep it hush-hush tho.
20. Next year get Harry to do this (making resolushuns is hard work).