My Fellow Americans,
I gave Janet a day trip to a luxury spa in Ubekiwhateverstan so that I could disspell some rumors that you all might have as rumors are rumors because rumors aren’t always the way it seems and you people don’t seem to know the truth and we wiretapped all your homes and offices and Bzzt Sir, get off the wiretapping uh we done learned that you’ve been mocking my truth. See, now that’s not right and I just want you to know that G-d speaks to me and I do what he says. So if you don’t like what I have to say then you are going against what G-d says.
I thought I’d share my trip with you. So I can at least say I tried to help you see the truth before I had you all hog-tied, hauled out of your homes, arrested and sent to some third world country like Biloxi.
I’m here to talk to these Indian types about something to do with energy. I’ll wave my hands around alot and jut out my chin. And that’ll be good enough for them.
This here is an Indian. I was nice to him even though he didn’t have the class to finish drying his hair on his own time. We got our kicks making fun of his accent when we got back to the armoured limo. Yeehaw we got smashed bzzt, Mr. President I mean, uh I admire his fine charachter and he’s a fine fellow American.
This here is just some of the many fine Indians who weren’t able to meet me in person. Most Americans can’t either – heh heh…
India makes a big to do over their elephants. They wouldn’t let me ride a bike there and then got all uppity about not letting me ride the elephant by myself. They thought they’d get away with having a monkey be my driver. I told them good though. I said that if they’s gonna let some little monkey drive the elephant then they’d better let ME drive, too bzzt Sir, that’s no monkey, that’s a man. Really? Sheeet, that’s one skinny, little man! Well… uh the elephant weren’t equipped with body armour so Laura wouldn’t let me ride Jumbo.
Too bad Dicky wasn’t with us. He’s been wanting to bag an elephant for some time. And here he could shoot the elephant AND the man probably in one shot. .. Bzzt Uh Sir get off the Cheney shooting controversy!
See G-d talks to me through this little wirepack that goes from my coat and into my ear…Bzzt Sir this is your speech advisor I knows it’s you G-d. Whoot. But alright, Shhh “Advisor” whatever.
Well, I think it’s juice and nap time coming up. They only let me out for short periods so I don’t go all jittery like and say something really profound.
So let that be a lesson to you blogger types. Those rumors of yours have got to stop or I’ll have you boiled alive… Bzzzt Sir off the torture now I’ll have you liberated for your own good. Cause this is America and I gotta cut and run for Democracy so that we can fight the liberty of the good fight.
I’m George W and G-d and Karl approve of this diary.