From Sunday’s New York Times (filed by AP):

Iran’s top leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, warned Sunday that oil shipments from the Gulf region would be disrupted if the United States attacked his nation, but his threat was dismissed by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice…

…Rice told ‘Fox News Sunday that ”we shouldn’t place too much emphasis on a threat of this kind” because Iran also has an interest in protecting its major source of revenues.

”What we should place emphasis on is Iran’s opportunity to find a way out of this impasse,” Rice said.

Under the fold: dunce diplomacy…

If Condi Rice spent half the time and effort conducting honest to God diplomacy as she spends spinning Bush administration poppycock on Sunday talk shows, we might actually be seeing progress in the Iran negotiations.  As it is, she’s only creating impasses and making other countries responsible for finding their ways out of them.

Iran’s leaders have stated time and time and time again that they will not give up their “inalienable right” under the Nuclear Non-proliferation Treaty (NPT) to develop nuclear energy technologies.  So what does Condi offer Iran as the “carrot” for engaging in direct negotiations?  That they give up their inalienable right to develop nuclear energy technologies.  

If there’s a surer way to guarantee that a diplomatic effort fails, I have yet to read or hear about it.  

It appears to me that Rice’s phony overture is a ruse to push the Iran issue to the UN Security Council, where the U.S. will insist on levying sanctions against Iran.  

And guess what’s going to happen there.  The EU3–England, Germany, and France–may go along with the proposal for the sake of appearances, but do you really think Russia and China will?  One might reasonably guess that those two countries are already hacked off at America enough to veto any U.S. sanction proposal, but just wait.  

As the issue moves to a Security Council vote, Dick Cheney will go on TV and insult the pants off of those two countries again.  And just in case that doesn’t do the trick, the Bush administration will insist on locking the Russian and Chinese ambassadors to the UN in a room with John Bolton for twelve hours.  

Then Condi will go back on TV to explain that diplomacy, once again, didn’t work, just like it didn’t with Iraq, and blame the failure on the UN, the media, the democrats, etc…  

Then we’ll go boom boom on Iran, Iran will try to go boom boom back, and however that turns out, Condi will tell Tim Russert that it was all Iran’s fault.  Tim, as he so often has, will smile, nod, and ask Condi if she’s going to run against Jeb Bush for Commissioner of the National Football League or President of the United States.    

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Condi’s old job as National Security Adviser wasn’t actually to advise young Mister Bush on foreign policy and security strategy.  Young Mister Bush already had Uncle Dick and Uncle Don and the rest of the neoconservative brain trust around to do that for him.  

Condi’s job was to tutor Dubya in basic geography.  Stand him in front of a map of the world and say things like “the blue parts are water, the green parts are land.”  Explain to him that no, Iceland isn’t really that big, it just looks that way because of how things work out when you draw a sphere on a flat picture, but yeah, Alaska really is bigger than Texas anyway.

Dubya saying, “shoot.”  

Imagine the scene, Dubya consulting with his new Secretary of State in front of the world map after the Katrina incident.

“No, Mister President, that’s Italy.”

“That’s right, I remember now.  Italy’s the boot that faces left.”

“And Louisiana’s the boot that faces right.  Clear over on the other side of the map.”

“Oh, yeah.  The green part up above that blue part that’s named after Mexico.”  

“That’s right, sir.  You’re so smart.  You’re my best student ever.”

Young Mister Bush furrows his brow.  

“You know, I just thought me of something.  How come that blue part is named after Mexico when so much of it is next to America?  Seems like we ought to pass a constitutional amendment to have that name changed on all the maps.”

“That’s a wonderful idea, Mister President.”

“Remind me to take that up with Karl and Uncle Dick next time I see them.”

Imagine also, Condi in the oval office, trying to help Bush distinguish between Iran and Iraq.  

“They’re on opposite sides of that little blue part in the center of the Middle East,” she says, “and their names end with a different letter.”

Young Mister Bush shrugs, and smirks.  “Sounds like nuance to me,” he says.  

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Condi Rice is rapidly consolidating America’s all time political trifecta of shame: Worst President Ever, Worst Secretary of Defense Ever, Worst Secretary of State Ever.

She’d be completing a “quadrifecta” except that the Worst Vice President Ever crown is still up for grabs between Dick Cheney, Spiro Agnew, and Aaron Burr.  

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While Condi was working the TV crowd Sunday, Donald Rumsfeld dropped by Hanoi and said that the U.S. wants to expand its military relationship with Vietnam.  

What a world.  We have Condi conducting diplomacy by making ominous war noises about Iran and Rummy conducting diplomacy by talking about selling arms to an old enemy.  

Maybe those two should switch jobs.  Anything would be an improvement, right?

Heck, Rummy could solve the impasse with Iran overnight by offering to sell them a handful of our nukes.  

That could blow up in his face, though.  I mean, if Iran said, “No, we’re serious, we don’t want any nuclear weapons,” what then?

Everybody would have to hunker down in Uncle Dick’s office and invent a new crisis.  

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Commander Jeff Huber, U.S. Navy (Retired) writes from Virginia Beach, Virginia.  Read his weekday commentaries at ePluribus Media and Pen and Sword.

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