I have a headcold and feel like crap, but I want to say that Mike Huckabee’s band sucks. Yesterday he had a rally somewhere in New Hampshire. He was operating on one hour’s sleep, so he had his band set up and knock out some tunes to warm up the room and give himself a jolt of adrenaline. The set was not brief.

They opened with In the Midnight Hour, a song, for obvious reasons, more appropriate as an encore. Huck was thumping out the bass line but his amp wasn’t loud enough. His keyboardist sang this one and he has the voice of a strangled alley cat (without the high range). Nonetheless, this would be the best song of the night. It was followed by a version Twist & Shout that could be certified for use at Guantanamo as a form of ‘enhanced interrogation technique’. And then came the one I absolutely must have on tape: the most eccentric and awful version of Mustang Sally ever performed. The lyrics were handled by a woman whose vocal stylings have to be heard and seen to be believed. Imagine a combination of Bonnie Raitt and Bette Midler but with all the talent stripped out. It was a legendary performance captured live on C-SPAN as she growled out the lyrics ‘You been running all over the town now…Oh! I guess I’ll have to put your flat feet on the ground’ taking care to mute her bump and grind for the conservative audience gathered to see this wunderkind Huckster that shocked the world just hours before. Oh, yes…

…No one suspects the Spanish Inquisition…and no one could have anticipated that Mike Huckabee would introduce himself to New Hampshire, fresh off his big Iowa upset, by knocking out a twenty minute set of second rate garage band brutality on a wholly innocent audience. And then, when Mustang Sally finally came to a merciful end, it was time for karate star Chuck Norris to serve as character witness. Talk about not taking this stuff seriously!!!

Huckabee gave a speech and took some questions, and then the band got back together for an encore. I had the name of the song they did when I started this review and it will come to me soon…probably as soon as my cold medication wears off. Needless to say, it sucked. His band really sucks.

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