I wonder what’s it like to be John McCain’s man-whore and not even get paid for the pleasure? I’ve read a lot of embarrassing crap from David Broder over the years, but today’s column has to be one of the sloppiest wet kisses I’ve ever seen. Watch this man in action:

Now that John McCain has taken care of his political business in Arizona, it is time for him to return to Washington and the responsibilities he bears as a leader of the Republican Party and the nation.

See, John McCain has been shirking that responsibility for two years now, flip-flopping on every issue under the Sun and acting like an all-around cantankerous curmudgeon, but that was just political business. It doesn’t mean anything. It was a necessary role that he had to play.

I did not begrudge him the $20 million he spent to win Tuesday’s primary, or whatever amount it was. Nor was I bothered by the doctrinal compromises the senator made in order to convince Arizona voters that he was, in fact, a conservative. McCain has always been a realist, doing what was necessary to survive a North Vietnamese prison camp or a tough political trap. His 2000 embrace of George W. Bush — a man he had every reason to dislike — showed his practicality, and it made possible his own presidential nomination in 2008.

That it costs $20 million to win a primary these days doesn’t raise any red flags about potential quid pro quos with the business community. And doctrinal compromises (in the form of adopting doctrinaire positions on all issues) are just what a maverick has to do to fool conservatives into believing you are one of them long enough to get yourself reelected. Going up against a guy like J.D. Hayworth is exactly the kind of near-death experience McCain learned to deal with in a North Vietnamese prison. Sucking up to the grossly incompetent George W. Bush sure was savvy and independent-minded. Country First.

It was easy to root for McCain to turn back the challenge from former representative J.D. Hayworth and put himself in a position to win his fifth term in November. The last thing the Senate needs is a loudmouth ex-radio talk show host like Hayworth.

What it does need badly is adult leadership, and it’s now incumbent on McCain to demonstrate that he is prepared to fulfill this role for both his party and his country.

I was really pulling for McCain to win the primary. I knew that he’d stop acting like a child if he could just get past that challenge. Or, at least I hope so. He has a role to fill and it’s about time he start filling it.

When Hayworth popped up in Arizona, ambitious for the Senate seat, McCain was wise to take the threat seriously and respond forcefully.

If McCain hadn’t spent the last two years acting like a child he probably would have lost the nomination, so he was very clever to act like a child.

In a Congress in which Democrats have pitiful approval ratings and Republicans even worse, McCain is one of the few names that does not draw instant contempt from the voters. The reputation he established for independence — for being his own man, no matter what the pressures — has survived the vagaries of an exceptionally long career.

Even though McCain has, to any dispassionate observer, utterly destroyed his reputation for independence over the last four years, I will be happy to pretend otherwise and write columns about how independent he is. After having just excused McCain’s recent lack of independence on the grounds that he was being pressured by J.D. Hayworth, I will assert that McCain always maintains his independence no matter what pressure he is feeling.

That reputation is his ticket to influence, and a precious gift he can bestow on others, Republican or Democrat, who are willing to join him as a dysfunctional Senate prepares to struggle with a challenging agenda both domestic and foreign.

McCain need not muscle anyone out of the way to play the role for which he is uniquely fitted. He simply needs to set his own course and form his own ad hoc alliances, as he has always done, with a Tom Coburn on the right or a Russ Feingold on the left.

Because of gasbags like me, McCain can expect to be treated as if nothing has happened to undermine his reputation for independence. Therefore, he can expect to be treated like a hero when he backstabs the Republicans of Arizona and starts cutting deals with Russ Feingold. That whole Party of No strategy? That’s so yesterday.

In Arizona, he successfully steered the GOP away from an experiment in extremism. He needs to do this nationally as well, including taking a potentially influential role in shaping the choice of the next nominee.

A load of work — but John McCain has never shirked.

When McCain stopped talking about comprehensive immigration reform and started calling on the government to “build the danged fence” he was steering Arizona away from extremism. He can do the same thing on a national level. It’s hard work, but McCain has never shirked his duty, except during the first two years of the Obama presidency.

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