Rick Santorum must wish he’d never suggested that legalizing gay sex (repealing anti-sodomy laws) would lead directly to Man-on-Dog sex, because his name is still associated with “the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.” In fact, if you Google “santorum,” that is still the first result you will find. Santorum was asked how he feels about being associated with something so gross.
“It’s one guy. You know who it is. The Internet allows for this type of vulgarity to circulate. It’s unfortunate that we have someone who obviously has some issues. But he has an opportunity to speak.”
That one guy is Dan Savage, but he had a lot of help. The definition of ‘santorum’ was selected from a long list of suggestions submitted by Savage’s witty readers. It all began when one reader suggested that a gay sex act be named after Santorum in revenge for his hateful stupidity, Agreeing, Savage remarked, “There’s no better way to memorialize the Santorum scandal than by attaching his name to a sex act that would make his big, white teeth fall out of his big, empty head.”
Eight years later, Santorum wants to be president but he can’t shake Savage’s prank. Mother Jones dedicated an article in its September/October issue to “Rick Santorum’s Anal Sex Problem.” Author Stephanie Mencimer wrote:
I wanted to ask Santorum whether he had a strategy for scrubbing his Web presence, but he didn’t return my calls. So instead, I asked a few experts. “This is an unusual problem,” says Michael Fertik, CEO of ReputationDefender, which specializes in helping individuals maintain a positive Web presence. “It’s devastating. This is one of the more creative and salient Google issues I’ve ever seen.”
The article goes on to consider possible ways that Santorum could fix his Google problem, but none of them are likely to work. His only rock-solid chance is to submit to Savage’s blackmail.
Savage has not forgiven Santorum for his seven-year-old comments: “Rick would have prevented me and my partner from being able to adopt my son,” he points out. But Savage does have a deal for the politician. “If Rick Santorum wants to make a $5 million donation to [the gay marriage group] Freedom to Marry, I will take it down. Interest starts accruing now.” Santorum may want to consider Savage’s offer. Otherwise, he’s kinda screwed.
Kinda screwed in the ass, I’d say.
But, hey, if Santorum can’t even fix his own problems, how can we expect him to fix the country’s problems? Right?
