Image Credits: Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP.

This moron is going to jail. It is too bad the moron who inspired him will probably skate like he always does.

Jacob Chansley, whose brightly painted face, tattooed torso and horned cap became a visual icon of the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol, was sentenced Wednesday to 41 months in prison by a federal judge in Washington. His lawyer had asked the judge to impose a sentence of time already served, basically the entire 10 months since the insurrection, during which Chansley attracted more attention for demanding an organic diet while in jail and giving an interview to “60 Minutes.”


Chansley, 34, was photographed parading shirtless through the halls of the Capitol with a six-foot spear, howling through a bullhorn and then sitting in the vice president’s chair in the Senate. He became known as the “QAnon Shaman” because of his appearances at gatherings of the “QAnon” conspiracy theorists and his Shamanic religious beliefs.

Glad he’s going to jail, but give me a fucking break with this “shamanic religious beliefs” bullshit, Washington Post. He’s no more a “shaman” than I’m the Pope. In fact, having paid the fee to be ordained by the Universal Life Church, an organization that seems to tacitly admit it only exists so lay people can officiate at their friends’ weddings, I have more religious bona fides than that Chansley schmuck.

Not that the word shaman means anything anymore, other than “well-to-do white people running around in the woods hallucinating on ayahuasca and banging on bongoes while appropriating someone else’s religious beliefs, until the next big white people trend comes along”—Chansley’s just an idiot wearing a fur hat. He has no religious training, didn’t even manage to complete community college, and got his ass booted from the Navy for refusing an anthrax vaccine. In the two years he served, he never made it past the second-lowest rank in the branch. So he’s as lazy as he is stupid. Oh, and he’s also an anti-semite, as the Post subtly reminds us.

Prosecutors quoted Chansley offering a prayer while sitting at the dais of the Senate, thanking God for “filling this chamber with patriots that love you. … Thank you for allowing us to get rid of the communists, the globalists, and the traitors within our government.”

“Globalists,” of course, is code for Jews, although Chansley’s probably too stupid to realize that. His lawyers, naturally, tried to say he was crazy.

“Mr. Chansley is in dire need of mental health treatment,” Watkins wrote in his sentencing memo. He said that a psychological evaluation earlier this year found that Chansley suffered from schizotypal personality disorder, anxiety and depression.

“Mr. Chansley is in dire need of mental health treatment cult deprogramming” is more like it, given his enthusiastic embrace of the ludicrous QAnon conspiracy.

There are only two only sad things about the example being made of Chansley. One is that that Washington Post never identifies him specifically as a domestic terrorist, which is exactly what he is.

The second is that the piece of shit who inspired him isn’t going to jail himself, and probably never will.

I predict he won’t do too well in prison.

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