Well, this letter by Kim Gandy, President of NOW, was like a kick in the gut. Yes, I know that NOW is an advocacy group for women, and yes I know that my personal history leaves me with a definite point of view, but this is seriously wrong.
Apparently, several decades ago, child psychiatrist, Richard Gardner thought up a theory called Parental Alienation Syndrome. This “syndrome” has not been accepted by the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, or the American Medical Association, but it is increasingly being accepted – and now taught – by Family Courts throughout the country.
Let’s start with the basics: who is Richard A. Gardner and what is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?
The late Dr. Gardner (he committed suicide in 2003) was an unpaid volunteer at Columbia University’s College of Physicians and Surgeons. He was a prolific author and lecturer who espoused some rather regressive ideas.
Regarding rape victims, Gardner said that they “gain pleasure from being beaten, bound, and otherwise made to suffer” as “the price they are willing to pay for gaining the gratification of receiving the sperm.” Victims of child abuse? “May very well have enjoyed the experience.” And Incest? Not harmful, according to Gardner, only “thinking makes it so”? Gardner also asserted that adult-child sex is normal AND beneficial for both parties as well as for the survival of the human race.
If you haven’t run screaming from the room we’ll move on to PAS.
PAS posits that if a parent (usually the woman) or the children allege abuse against the other parent (usually the man) during a custody hearing, it is evidence that the protective parent is “brainwashing” the children. If the child is angry, or frightened, or refuses to go with the accused abuser, it is even further proof that they have been brainwashed.
It would be unreasonable to deny that this type of behavior has ever been used in custody hearings. The problem is that courts are now suspect of all allegations of abuse and usually don’t fully investigate the charges. Moreover, according to a recent Newsweek article, 54 percent of custody cases involving documented spousal abuse were decided in favor of the alleged batterers. Parental alienation was used as an argument in nearly every case.
The Family Courts often lack the time or the expertise to handle abuse complaints competently. Judges are often more sympathetic to abusers because they appear more reasonable, often willing to share custody, while the protective parent is adamant that children not be further endangered by contact with the abuser. Women are also caught in a double bind by societal expectations. If they are emotional in court, they are labeled as hysterical. If they are stoic, they are branded as cold-hearted.
Appallingly, not only do abusers often gain custody of the children, but by painting the protective parent as destructive and manipulative, the court often orders that all contact with the “brainwashing” parent stop. No letters. No phone calls. No visits.
A group of survivors of abuse by both their parent and the courts has founded an organization called Courageous Kids Network. Their statement is heartbreaking, especially regarding younger siblings who are still trapped in the hell they were consigned to by the court.
Although there is growing outrage over the effects of PAS on kids, several states have decided to actively promote the theory. Per the NOW newsletter:
And believe it or not, it seems that nine state governors have jumped on Gardner’s pro-pedophilia bandwagon. In Florida, Indiana, Connecticut, Kentucky, Nebraska, Iowa, Maine, and Nevada, there is now reportedly a whole day officially dedicated to raising “awareness” about Gardner’s theory called Parental Alienation Syndrome, in which the very reports of abuse by a child against a father are themselves evidence that the child is being brainwashed by the mother (and if the child is angry at the father, or doesn’t want to visit, that’s even more evidence) and the only “cure” for this syndrome is to force the child to live with the abuser and deny ANY contact with the protective mother, who has no history of abuse.
If you live in any of these states, please take action. Contact the governors whose states are sponsoring proclaimed “Parental Alienation Awareness” days. Ask them to stop this travesty. Contact the media and ask them to investigate.
No matter how acrimonious things may get between parents, we must all act to protect the children.
For a lengthy, and award-winning, article on this subject, I recommend Custodians of Abuse by Kristen Lombardi.
