Lately, I’ve noticed that the absence of support for the War in Iraq is just as treasonous and America-hating as speaking out against it.

So, I decided to make a list of these Benedict Arnold no-shows, and guess who shows up first on my list:

The Passenger Pigeon!!!

Just look at it, all showing off that red propaganda plumage, turning its back on the right and facing left, God knows how many fellow-travellers lurking in the woods beyond.

I mean, the next time I see one, I’m just gonna have to blow its Commie head off.

More hateful pigeon crimes below the break.

Heroes That Might Have Been

To learn about the Passenger Pigeon is to learn how to cry all over again. Blessed with vast numbers, fast reproductive cycle, and astonishing speed and stamina (capable of 60-70 mile/hr speeds, and much larger than their surviving cousins), the Passenger Pigeon was a mighty sword in the hands of America…but they just went chicken.

So-Called Reasons Why It’s Not the Passenger Pigeon’s Fault It’s A Traitor

Now, some liberal apologists say that the pigeon went AWOL on account of, oh, let’s go down the list of imaginary offenses…

    1. Overhunting (like it’s possible to use guns too much. Sheesh!)
    2. Devastation of ‘natural habitat’ (Commies, tellin’ decent folk what to do with their property again).
    3. Expansion of railways, esp. use of refrigerator cars (socialists, bashin’ capitalism yet again),
    4. Use of the telegraph to coordinate harvesting expeditions (oh, now liberals are against talking too much. I have truly heard everything now!)

No. I say it’s ’cause the Passenger Pigeons were cowards; they were soft on Saddam, and cut and run when America needed them most…give or take a century.

I mean, what was it about America that the Passenger Pigeons hated so much? Why did they have to up and go away?

What an Awful, America-Hating Waste

There were so many of them, perhaps the most successful bird species on the planet; in their day, they did America proud. Then they got yellow thinking about having to help defeat Saddam after 9/11 and everything changed including the location of Iraq’s WMDs and activist judges killed Terri Schaivo and, hold on I gotta drink some water…ah! Where was I? Oh, yes — Passenger pigeons!

I think Passenger Pigeons hated development, they hated feeding America’s children’s, they hated the American farmer, they hated guns, they hated the railroads and the factories and the supermarkets and they were starting to show their true colors on account by the time the Civil War started, a real man was starting to have trouble seeing any passenger pigeons in broad daylight.

I mean, really. They hated progress, they hated civilization, they hated industry, they hated farmers, they hated children and most of all, they hated guns.

The Passenger Pigeon: Deserters to the End

Yep. Those passenger pigeons; they up and hated America. Now they’re gone. Billions and billions of ’em, refusing to do their bit, or only doing it at gunpoint.

Well, they all gone now, if I hear it right. Deserters, every one.

America: Love it or leave it, I say. Well, the Passenger Pigeon up and left. And ain’t no one gonna say it was America’s fault they did, not without answering to me.

0 0 votes
Article Rating