Hated the Super Bowl in general? Blame the Right Wing, I’m serious.
My dislike of the Super Bowl has a lot to do with the quality of the commercials and the halftime show. Yes, I know that the central point of the Super Bowl is the actual sixty minutes of punishment called the gridiron, but through the years, it has been the commercials and the halftime show which have taken center stage. Everyone knows that the thirty-second spots go into the six figures [right?]. And everyone knows about Janet’s tit flopping out in 2004 [right?]. Well, those commercials used to be good and the halftime shows used to be at least halfway decent… until some fuckers got around to rewatching the quarter-second exposure of a tit on their VCRs/DVRs.
There was no fucking outrage until several days later. There were no form letters emailed [they didn’t even bother to cite their own anger? They had to all use form letters?] en masse to the networks and their advertisers. There were no mass call-ins to talk shows and radio shows until days later. Manufactured outrage by those bullshit “American Family” groups. It wasn’t genuine. These fuckwads were told that it was an outrage, they had missed the actual live tit; but it was replayed [blurred out] almost 24/7 in the next week.
Since then, things have become more and more sanitized. Paul fucking McCartney played the halftime show last year. And this year, the Rolling Stones? I’m not saying that these two acts weren’t culturally relevant thirty years ago and didn’t have an impact on my life that I don’t even know I was aware of. I’m saying who the fuck cares about them now aside from people who are over forty. In this hip-hop generation we live in, there’s no chance in hell that Kanye West, Eminem, 50 Cent, Jay-Z or some other multi-multi-multi platinum selling artist would be seen on that halftime show platform. And oddly, the ABC NFL censors thought that the Stones were too raunchy for the viewers. Chroist.
If we can’t have some geriatric geezers talking about how they can’t get no satisfaction, who the fuck are we supposed to watch FOR ENTERTAINMENT. Is next year’s show going to have a Catholic boys and girls choir chant hymns? Fly in a gregorian chant group from Eastern Europe? Why not just black out the video feed for the forty-five minute halftime? Just leave it blank. Because god forbid you’d show a girl in a fucking bikini in a beer ad. It’s not like they’re not doing it for every single other football game for the entire season. Why not during the Super Bowl? I’m not saying that beer ads should all have girls in bikinis, but that girls in bikinis are what seem to dominate beer ads, and why censor them during the commercial orgasmothon that is the Super Bowl?
I didn’t watch a second of the halftime show. I hate all Budweiser beers. I miss the Bud Bowl. And it didn’t help that this game was one of the sloppiest that I can recall.
The Blinq commentary on the ads. And he liked the geriatric performance.
Just had to vent.
