A Modest Proposals Production
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Um … actually, you just read the entire idea right there in the title. I’m proposing we trade George Bush for Osama bin Laden. Not as any kind of peace offering, mind you. Just a straight up trade between sworn enemies, and then we get right back to killing each other.
Everybody wins!
First of all, I’m not sure the US can afford another day of Bush being in office. Judging by his record so far, another major American city will face devastation before he leaves office. Why should we treat our enemies and detractors to the spectacle of Americans fleeing yet another devastated city?
If it weren’t for “Manhattan” on that sign, would you think this was a scene from Katrina? Or one of the two major blackouts of the last few years? Or September 11th? That’s the thing about the Bush administration: they always keep you guessing!
Instead, I’d rather see Bush and bin Laden passing each other on a bridge somewhere (do they even have bridges in South Waziristan?) like something out of early Cold War fiction. What would they have to say to each other as they passed, these two spoiled brats who have so much blood on their hands?
Instead of fleeing Americans, I’d rather the world tuned in to the broadcast of Osama bin Laden’s execution. America needs that more than it needs George Bush. Now, those of you who know that I’m a medievalist might expect me to dig deep into Europe’s bloody history and whip out some gory hunk of arcane sadism, and I have to admit that making a ‘Blood Eagle’ out of bin Laden has its appeal. But he probably wouldn’t last long enough to make it worthwhile (and executioners who kill too quickly have been known to be lynched by angry, sadistic mobs). So, I’m afraid I’m going to have to disappoint you. My proposal is simple:
metal from the WTC and Pentagon forged into bullets, a firing squad drawn from servicemen and women affected most by the attacks, held on the deck of an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific.
Broadcast to the world.
OK, I’ll throw in one medieval flourish: gibbet his body. Make it a permanent exhibit in DC. Hell, put a webcam on it and let people take bets on what bird pecks at which eye.
Bush out of the White House and Osama dead, just think how happy America would be (not to mention how much safer)!
It’s a win-win deal!
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Brought to you by Modest Proposals and the letter ‘Q’
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