There was a friend of mine that used to be a member of this site. I met her once in a kind of unique situation. You see, I was down at a protest against the war in Washington DC and I needed a place to crash and someone had her room key. And she was going to be coming in at something like 3 or 4 in the morning anyway, so why not let me have her room?
But the thing was that no one was going to be able to tell her, because we couldn’t reach her, that a strange man was going to be in her room. So I figured I wouldn’t totally freak her out by getting in her bed and I laid down on the floor and watched some television until I kind of became unresponsive. That’s how it started. She came in, took some photos of yours truly nonresponsive on her hotel room floor. In fact, by the time I woke up and took a shower she had already posted those pictures on the internet, on this blog. Talk about a surprise!! I made the best of it, and then I got to know her. I got to know about her husband the helicopter pilot and her son that needed lots of surgeries to keep him walking, and about her upbringing in Wyoming. And I liked her. And I think she liked me.
Her life was extremely stressful, beyond anything I could imagine for myself. It didn’t make things any better that her husband was being asked to risk his life in a war he had a lot of doubts about. It was even worse that her doubts were even more severe. She went to Crawford to be with Cindy Sheehan. That put her husband’s career advancement in jeopardy. I could barely comprehend the family dynamics, let alone the courage involved in making that decision. I admired her.
She came to visit me once. She brought her son. I don’t know that I will ever meet anyone quite like her son. I’ve never met someone that age that was quite so intelligent and worldly-wise and, I guess, sophisticated. And he has to inhabit a body that is just twisted, wracked, built of rods, and steel. He is something to behold. He might be the most inspirational person I have ever met. He’s a wonder. A great, great soul. And his mother loves him. His mother has to love him and she had so many responsibilities she has to carry out to care for him and to get him to the next doctor’s appointment, the next specialist, the next surgery.
It’s inspiring, but it is also heartbreaking. I had to cut off this mother and close friend’s posting privileges today. I did it because I want to make sure she honors her own intentions to stay away from this community for her own mental health and for the well being of her family.
It was not an easy decision for me to make. She contributed some of the most poignant diaries we have ever seen here. Her story has inspired thousands of people. Her angst told a story so powerful that it had the power to change minds, if not provide the miracle that would bring an end to this goddamned war.
She wasn’t a perfect fit for this community. She agreed with us that the war was a mistake and that our government is criminal. But she wasn’t a peace activist in the traditional sense. It pained her to hear the military criticized for the mistakes of a warmongering administration. She was very sensitive. She knew her husband and his heart. She knew that he embodied the values we all want to see in our military officers. It pained her to see him misused, but it pained her more to see him disparaged.
She’s had a hard time these last few years. It has never been easy. People are doing multiple tours. Helicopters are getting shot down with increasing frequency. Her son has needed more and unexpected surgeries. A lot of the time she has just been groping around looking for a reed to hang onto. A lot of the time that reed was this community and that ‘New Diary Entry’ button or that ‘respond to this’ button. It kept her sane. But unfortunately, her situation wasn’t sane. This blog helped but it couldn’t purge the demons that lept at her from many angles.
She sometimes lost her bearings. She lashed out at people that were her friends. She overreacted to people that meant no offense, and she got wrapped up in a bad states of mind where she couldn’t see things clearly.
She made mistakes. She made enemies. She did things that are hard to excuse. And, ultimately, this community couldn’t be what she needed it to be. And we couldn’t make accomodations just for her particular circumstances. She had to leave this community today. And I’m sad about that. And I’m sad that a lot of people are angry at me, as well as her.
We didn’t ask for this war and we didn’t want this war to destroy families and lives. We want to stop it. We will stop it…and my friend will someday get some peace of mind.
