He’s a member of the middle class.

The Emergency Room is the best health care system in the universe (except for people like – Him).

Firing People is fun, fun, fun!

Corporations are people — except you can steal from them, raid their pension funds, fire their workers and send their jobs overseas, drive them into bankruptcy and still make a personal profit from killing them!

Lobbyists are honorable folks.

Unemployed people are Lay-Zee whiners, wanting food, decent health care, government cheese and Cadillacs when they don’t deserve them.

Paying taxes is something only stupid people do.

He’s unemployed (except when he’s not).

CEO’s know what is best for America.

Global Warming, abortion as a right, stem cell research and Health Care Reform are fairy tales he doesn’t believe in anymore.

Bullying is so not a problem. Especially bullying homos.

There ought to be a law against “servants” owning cell phones with video cameras.

Disabled people should get out of their wheelchairs, disconnect their oxygen tanks, and get a job. Take some responsibility, dammit!

War is Good!

Paying for War with Taxes is Bad!

Teachers are highly overrated.

Those barbed wire fences around Chinese factories are to keep people out.

Everything worth learning can be learned in Harvard Business School.

Vouchers will solve all our problems.

Some of his best friends are Latinos (until he fired them).

Electing him will improve the American economy overnight, and he won’t have to lift a finger to make it so.

His son should have the right to decide whether a surrogate mother has to abort a fetus, but women should not.

He’s losing because Obama is mean.

Except really he’s winning.

Paul Ryan knows what he’s talking about, and is never wrong.

He saved the Olympics! All by himself! Without any help from (cough, cough) government.

The trees in Michigan are just the right height.

He earned everything he owns without any help from Dad.

The Cayman Islands are a great place to put your money.

Releasing Tax Returns is for Democrats.

He’s not really a heartless, soulless robot – he just plays one on TV.

His wife is a political asset, unless people see her, or hear her speak, too often.

Fundraising is campaigning.

Obama single-handedly ruined the Middle East by sucking up to Islamic Terrorists.

But it can’t be fixed anyway so we might as well use it for testing our military weaponry.

The American Military is the finest in the world. American Veterans, on the other hand, are leeches and parasites.

Show horses are great tax write-offs.

More deregulation for Big Banks is a great idea!

So are more tax cuts!

And less government spending!

Except for military spending, of course.

The secret to a great marriage is giving your wife a rose everyday.

Women make great stay at home moms.

The invisible hand of the free market is like God, sort of, only more infallible.

Liberals don’t understand how great America is.

Freedom of religion is great – for Christians.

Government bureaucrats are evil; Insurance company bureaucrats, on the other hand are the only salvation for our health care crisis.

He hates Europe.

But he loves France. Good times, good times ….

Black people would love him if they only understood him better.

Latinos too.

Women do love him.

It makes no sense to him why people would ever vote for a Democrat.

Just because his Dad was born in Mexico and got to live here and become rich doesn’t mean all the other people who came here from Mexico to better their lives deserve to stay. In fact thy should start packing their bags yesterday.

He cares deeply about others. Especially if they can still contribute to his campaign.

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