I watched the GOP debate tonight and I honestly don’t have much of a reaction. None of it made any sense. If I were to create a transcript from memory, it would look like I ripped it off from All in the Family. In other words, it would look a lot like this:
TRUMP: No bum that can’t speak poifect English oughta stay in this country…oughta be de-exported the hell outta here!
KASICH: (looks at Trump, then the camera) He’s got some grand strategy that he can’t revulge.
FIORINA: They’re picking bananas in Brazil and them Indians down there, they don’t care about what you look like.
RUBIO: (points at Fiorina) That woman is liable to come at you like a Doberman’s Pincher.
PAUL: (looks dismissively at Rubio) Don’t talk like an ignarosis.
BUSH: (says for no reason) Between here and Florida, ya got your original 48 states.
FIORINA: (turns to Bush) You made a certain referential remark there.
TRUMP: Sit right down there, seniorora.
CRUZ: (blurts out) The atheist religion don’t believe in the Bible!
CARSON: (sees something invisible on his podium) This is a Jewish cake! They give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed!
TRUMP: (gestures towards Carson) Raise him a Luferan if you want, raise him a Norman with 7 wives, a holy roller, a Seventh Day Adventurer…..
PAUL: I’d say that the Meathead (Carson) probably got magnesia and forgot where his mouth was.
KASICH: I’m half prostate in the heat.
FIORINA: The rules are written by the bureaucraps.
BUSH: It’s only the mercy of the lord I ain’t had a stroke already…and a coronary trombonus in the bargain.
PAUL: I hate to leave in the middle of all this hillerarity.
CARSON: (increasingly confused) Well, yous two may have come from monkeys and bamboons, but not me.
PAUL: (looks at Carson) ?????
TRUMP: (needs attention) I work for myself. I’m what ya call an “entramanure.”
KASICH: (to Trump) You ain’t got no qualifidations.
CARSON: (blurts out) There is an invason of my privates!
PAUL: (looks at Carson) ?????
BUSH: (considers his debate performance so far) I ain’t in a happy frame of mood.
KASICH: I’m suffering a little bit from smoke exhilaration.
RUBIO: (to Kasich) Dial 919.
CRUZ: I just want to take the opportunity to express my waddya call, gratitude and depreciation.
BUSH: (growing morose) One of these days I’m gonna dehead myself!
TRUMP: (to Bush) Stifle it, Edith!
In this context, it doesn’t make any sense to talk about who won. Nobody won.
Our nation is a joke.
