That would be me. That’s right I’m one of those women, those scary bra-burning feminists. I have no sense of humor. I’m a prude. I’m probably even shrill and hysterical and don’t know it.

You want me to stop? You want me to be a fun feminist? Someone you can take to parties and not have to keep one eye on to be sure I don’t set fire to an undergarment? It’s easy.

How To Change A Joyless Feminist Into A Joyful One

  1. Stop using anti-woman language. If the worst thing you can think of to call another human being is a slang word for female genitalia, I’ve got a problem. But it’s not as big as the one you have.
  2. Stop calling womens’ issues special interests. Reproductive rights and women’s issues only affect women and their children. One way or another they affect you, unless you are an alien from Alpha Centauri in disguise. No one is above this fray.
  3. Commit to equality now. Take it off the back burner.
  4. Speak up when you see or hear sexist stuff. Especially if you’re a man, because God knows they aren’t anywhere near as likely to listen to me.
  5. Stop buying into put downs of feminism based on style. Stop telling us you’ll listen if we’ll just be nice. Seriously, your turn. Step up.
  6. Make some room in that Big Tent of yours that’s not out on the fringes. Closer to the center would be nice. A spot on the dais would be really swell, come to think of it.
  7. Repeat after me, women are at least half the voting pool.  They are real voters, and their opinions and needs matter. Well, only if you need them to win, I suppose.
  8. Resolve, now and forever after, not to treat women’s issues like the extra person in the troika, the one who gets tossed out if the slavering wolves get too close. Yes, we’ve noticed. And yes, we’re mad about it.
  9. Understand that the correct reply to ‘that was offensive’ is not ‘you have no sense of humor’. Feminists will start laughing at sexist crap when it starts being funny. Which is about when people of color will start laughing about racist stuff.
  10. Stop telling us there’s more important stuff and you’ll get to us. Really, pull the other one, it’s got bells on. This is important stuff.
  11. Don’t tell me I have it better than women in Somewhereelseistan, and expect me to be quiet. I know it could be worse. Don’t you see it could be better?
  12. Stop assuming I’m a man hating ball-busting bitch. I’m not. And I have references. I’m a sexist-despising political activist. There’s a difference.
  13. Don’t mistake passion and commitment with shrillness. My voice is deeper than some men’s, and having had a drill instructor father, it’s probably louder.
  14. Embrace and empower women. Seriously, double your ranks overnight. Isn’t that worth maybe getting girl cooties all over your agenda?

  15. Equal pay, equal representation, equal rights under the law. How hard is that?

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